


Rebuke and Reformation: A Star Wars Episode IX Reylomance

by SweetKeats



Category: Reylo: Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dream Sex, Episode VIII, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Porn With Plot, Pride and Prejudice in space, Reylo - Freeform, Reylomance, Romance, Save Ben Solo, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shakespeare in space, Shameless Smut, Space Opera, Space Smut, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, after the last jedi, frequent sex throughout, real sex too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:46:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetKeats/pseuds/SweetKeats
Summary: This is the Reylomance you have been looking for.Months have passed since the events of The Last Jedi. Rey and the last survivors of the rebellion are in hiding. She has not heard from Ben Solo/Supreme Leader Kylo Ren since leaving Crait.Slowly the star crossed lovers reestablish their connection as the universe conspires to bring them together again and again. Each convinced of the other's indifference, we watch as they enjoy a slow-burn enemies to lovers romance. HEA guaranteed.Brief side romance with Poe, because damn it, why not.Written by romance novelist Jeannette Keats.IG: https://www.instagram.com/sweet_keats/FB: https://www.facebook.com/keatsbooksTumblr: https://keatstreats.tumblr.com





	1. Chapter 1

Her eyes fly open as she wakes covered in a sticky, cold sweat. Still recovering from the stress of recent events, her body sometimes had to be reminded there was no need to fight anymore. _It is over. The Resistance is over,_ she chants to herself as her heartbeat slows.

Even now, after months have passed, remembering that it was all finished remains the hardest part of her recovery. She had been thrust into the center of something so much bigger than herself. It had given her a sense of purpose that she had never known before, but for what? On this frigid evening, all that remains are her memories of the heroic thing she had tried and failed to do.

Sitting alone in her empty hut, she struggles to see why she even bothered leaving Jakku in the first place. _It’s not like anything I did made any difference,_ she thinks, gathering her blankets close. Rolling onto her side, her heart betrays her, bringing to mind the face of the man she couldn’t save.

“Ben,” she calls out to the darkness, as the hot tears begin to stream down her face.

Bolting upright, she wipes her tears away, recoiling at the masochistic behavior she nearly indulged in. _He doesn’t deserve your tears._ Having completely abandoned her, he didn’t deserve anything, she reminds herself. Totally blameless, she knows she gave him the perfect opportunity to reform. If he had any love inside him, he wouldn’t have forsaken her and the light. But, he didn’t. Wouldn’t. Couldn’t. It doesn’t matter now, she reminds herself as she rises.

Examining the wall of the hut, she counts out the days she has scratched into the soft plaster. _He must have guessed where I would have gone. He must know I brought the rebels here, to Ahch-To,_ she thinks. _Why has he never come for us?_

“Not a threat anymore.” She answers her own question as she stoops to pick up her blanket. Turning towards her door, she thinks of how she still hasn’t been able to connect with him through their force bond. “Not anything anymore,” she sighs.

Moving silently through the darkened camp, she makes her way towards the rocky cliffs above the Great Ahch-To Sea below. The sky lightens in anticipation of the dawn as she follows her feet. They lead her to almost the very spot where she had first met Luke Skywalker. He had been her last great hope, but now he was nowhere to be found.

“Was it all for nothing?” she shouts at the waves, digging her fingernails into her palms. The angry sea gives neither comfort nor response as she glares across it.

“I know how you feel,” comes an unexpected voice from behind her. Poe Dameron smiles weakly at her as he moves forward.

“I mean, this cant be it, can it?” She waves her arms at him in a wild arc. As he approaches, he doesn’t have to look around him to know there is nothing to see. Growing angrier, she continues, “We’re what? Just supposed to stay here? Give up?”

“No, I totally get it,” he replies as he stops before her and takes her hands in his. “This idleness is the cruelest punishment.”

He pauses, and she can sense that he is trying to temper his words.

“It kills me that I haven’t been in a cockpit for this long,” he begins. “I’m terrified that by the time anyone ever finds us, if anyone is still coming for us, that I will have forgotten how to fly.” Hanging his head he thrusts his fingers through his hair before raising his chiseled jaw once more.

She follows his eyes as he lifts them to the sky. “I think of living on this Island, and how I’ll grow frail and feeble, and will never experience that rush again.” Releasing his hold on her, he steps back, turning his attention to the horizon.

“Do you know how incredible it feels to know that all the power contained in that engine is just idling behind you? Everything else fades away and this incredible focus and sense of purpose overtakes you.”

As Rey watches his emotional tale play across his face, she knows his pain. Thinking about the broken pieces carefully concealed beneath her bed, she wonders, _will I ever again feel the gentle hum of a lightsaber vibrating between my fingers?_

A part of her wants to step into place behind Poe; to wrap herself around him, and feel the warmth of another for the first time. “At least you knew how to fly,” she finally replies, her voice thick in her throat. “I was just beginning to learn, and now I’m supposed to accept that it’s all over? That I’ll never know anymore than I do now?”

_You know that is not true,_ echoes a voice that only she can hear.

In a moment of pure reaction, she steps away from the handsome pilot before her. Then, going completely still, she listens, straining to distinguish that velvety sound from the roar of the waves.

The only voice she hears comes from Poe, as he continues to speak with a fiery passion that somehow calms her own. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to keep fighting; it kills you to give up so soon. I want to fight. I’ve never wanted to destroy anything more than I want to destroy the First Order, but look around you. Look at all that is left of us. Leia is a brilliant leader, but even the most brilliant leader still needs resources that we lack. We have ourselves, an ancient Corellian Cruiser and not much else. It’s over. We lost.”

Though she tries to focus on Poe’s words as he begs her to accept their new reality, she cannot. Even as he speaks, she feels something within her building, as through the island itself were channeling all its energy into her.

“No, hmm-hm. Not done. Much to learn have you. Forget the books you must not,” asserts a new, unknown voice that seems to come from all around her. Somehow its simple words strengthen her convictions.

Looking up at the pilot, who she suddenly sees afresh in the clear light of this new day, she smiles. Pushing aside all the damage that has flecked and scarred her past, she takes a deep breath as her smile widens. Staring up at the man she has just met, she feels the island pulsing beneath her as the power continues to rise within.

For the first time since she had returned, she can hear the Island speaking to her. As the waves reshape the coastline, it is reshaping her. Where there was anger, peace. Where there was frustration, acceptance. Where, only moments ago, there had been despair, there is now resolve.

“You’re right,” she tells her companion as the first sun begins to rise. “I know what I have to do,” she adds as she walks off.

Two hours later, she returns to camp dragging behind her a large, silvery-blue, fish-like creature. The act of waiting patiently to ensnare the beast had allowed her mind to process this morning. First, there had been the dream. It was that same damn dream again, she had realized. No wonder she was so ridiculous and emotional. Any time Kylo Ren entered her dreams, the result was always the same.

After the dream, she had had a second awakening. After jolting awake, still reeling from the stress of the fantasies her mind had concocted in the night, her body had led her back to that fateful cliffside. There she had finally allowed herself to release her frustrations, and the Island had answered her. Somehow, between the immovable rocks and the ever-changing sea, she had felt an energy channeling itself through her. Now, thanks to the unknown voice, she knew what to do.

While cleaning and preparing her kill for the fire, she becomes more and more certain of her plan. _But how can I read texts written so long ago, and in such an obscure language?_ she wonders. Watching the fire, she ponders this question. Eventually the smells emanating from the roasting flesh draw the others from their huts. Among them she spots General Organa and her constant companion, a golden droid shimmering in the sun.

Anyone who spent more than a moment in this droid’s presence knew that it was well versed in over six million forms of communication. Surely, if there was any hope for her to understand these ancient books, the droid was it.

Picking up her staff, she moves alongside the last remaining Skywalker.

“General,” she begins.

“Please call me Leia. I believe you stop being a general when you no longer have an army to command.”

“Leia,” she begins again, unsure of herself.

“You want the droid? You can have him. Please. He’s starting to get on my nerves.”

Taken aback, she isn’t quite sure how the general knew what she was going to say and so stumbles through her thanks.

As she attempts to recover her poise, the general calls to the droid who is fumbling around nervously, clearly making some of the other survivors uncomfortable.

“Threepio, you’re going with Rey here. She has some translating work for you to do up at the Jedi temple.”

“Fascinating,” the droid replies. “Though I am not sure what written language the ancient Jedi would have used, I assure you I will not let you down. After all, I am well versed in...”

“Over six million forms of communication.” Leia finishes the droids sentence, her patience evidently thin. “I know. We all know.”

Rey and the vaguely humanoid machine stare at each other for some time.

“I am See-Threepio, human cyborg relations, and I am pleased to be assisting you…”

“This is Rey of Jakku,” Leia inserts, interrupting the droid.

“Rey of Jakku, pleased to meet you,” Threepio repeats with a slight bow. “I have never been to Jakku before, but I understand it is very similar to a planet I once landed on. The sand was terrible. It got everywhere, simply everywhere.”

_Jakku,_ Rey thinks as she tunes out the rest of the droid’s ramblings. She hadn’t thought about her desert home in so long. Her years there, scavenging useable parts off the wreckage of past conflicts seems like someone else’s life now. Alone in the wasteland she could have never imagined that she would end up here, so far from everything she had once thought mattered.

Lost in her own thoughts she reaches the Jedi temple long before Threepio does. With an exasperated sigh, she sits down to wait for the golden droid to navigate the treacherous stairs.

“Forgive me, but this seems to be an impractical place to study,” Threepio says as he climbs the final step. “Of course, I don’t feel temperature differences, but my sensors tell me this is far colder than the valley. Additionally, these steps make the destination a dangerous one. Many human injuries are sustained each year by falling down stairs such as these.” Looking around at the ruins, Threepio adds, “Excuse me, Rey of Jakku….”

“Just Rey.”

“Excuse me Rey, but why did you choose to come here?”

Examining her reasons, she knows that she has none to tell the droid. It was a feeling rather than a rational decision that told her this was the place she needed to be. “I don’t know. It seemed appropriate.”

“Alright. Well, I certainly hope I can help. I suppose I should have looked at what you wanted my to translate before climbing all the way up here. I still don’t know what language the ancient Jedi would have used. I’m afraid I’ll be wasting your time.”

“Trying is never a waste of time,” Rey replies to the droid as she moves towards the center of the temple. “Now come here in the light,” she adds gesturing for the droid to sit beside her on a rocky outcropping. The sun streaming in from above warms her skin, making her feel as though the temple itself were welcoming her. Again she can feel the Island radiating beneath her, and knows that she must be on the right path.

Time passes and See-Threepio eventually manages to identify the language that the texts are written in. “It is an old version, forgive me, but it is an old version of the Sith language.”

“What?” Rey replies. “How is that possible? I thought the Sith were supposed to be the bad guys.”

“It is highly likely that both sects arose on this Island, therefore it is not inconceivable that the Sith language had its origins here. My understanding is that the Sith claim to be older than the Jedi, but I have no way of verifying that. However, now that I can input the language, translating should be a fairly simple process.”

However simple the process may be to the droid, it seems a tedious one to Rey as she watches the droid hem and haw over every other word.

_That droid doesn’t know what it’s talking about._ As the voice echoes through the cavernous space, she turns to see Kylo Ren standing before her.

“Really?” she asks incredulously. The sudden shock of seeing Ren again after all these months of silence excites and then infuriates her. She shouldn’t feel anything in his presence, how could her body betray her like this? “And what? You can do better?” she asks, forgetting the droid.

“What? What is it?” Threepio asks excitedly. “Is it Master Luke? Can you see him? Is he here?”

“No Threepio, it’s no one,” she replies as she shoots an icy glare at Kylo Ren. “I thought I heard something, but I must be crazy.”

“You need a teacher,” Ren reasserts, stepping towards her.

The closer he gets to her the more uncomfortable she becomes. Turning to the droid she says, “Threepio, that is enough for today. You can go now. I, I need to be alone. We will continue tomorrow.” As the droid begins to walk off, she calls after it, “Tell General Organa thank you.”

“Very well,” Threepio replies. “I will inform the princess of the progress we have made.”

“I hate that droid.” Ren says as he watches Threepio leave.

“What? How can you hate a droid?” she asks confused and irritated. “Never mind. How are you here?”

“I assume you summoned me.”

“I did not,” she spits back, her face growing flush.

“Should I leave then?” he asks with a smirk.

“Yes. You should.” A split second later she wishes she could take back those words, but it is too late. He is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Staring out the window of his quarters, the Supreme Leader questions whether his life is even worth living anymore. Everything he ever touched, everything he ever loved; everything turned to dust no matter what he did. As the glittering light of far off stars illuminates his face in the darkness, he hangs his head. 

“The galaxy will be better off without me.” His words echo around the sparsely furnished chamber, making him realize how foolish they are. As much as he would like to end his suffering, he knows he cannot. He must remain in this world of living pain. As long as he is alive, controlling Hux, altering his memories, _she_ will be safe.

“I’m sorry,” he calls out to Rey across the stars. Taking a fistful of his hair, he curses himself. _Why do I always have to push her like that?_ he asks, his anger growing. Since Snoke’s death he had tried and failed for months to reestablish their connection. It felt as if she had closed the door on him. Nothing he tried worked, then unexpectedly she appeared. He had watched her a while before making his presence known. It had taken him that long to gain control of his body enough to speak. _And when I finally said something I was once more that haughty, superior ass. No wonder she told me to leave._

“She can’t stand to even look at you,” whispers Snoke’s voice in his head. As much as he wants to deny it, he knows his master is right. She had made it clear that she didn’t want him, couldn’t love him, and he can’t blame her. 

“At least none of them will ever touch you,” he whispers to the dark emptiness of space.

 _And neither will I,_ his heart calls out as he turns in anguish from the window.

Stalking back towards his bed, he curses the galaxy that had teased him by reestablishing their connection. As miserable as he was without her, he had grown used to the feeling. Though he knew he could never have forgotten her, it was easier when he didn’t have the temptation of her being near. He cringes as he remembers the parting look she had just given him. _She never did try to conceal her disdain,_ he thinks, hurling himself backwards onto the soft surface.

“You’re pathetic,” the familiar voice again taunts him, hissing in his ear. “Fixating on this nobody when you can have anything, anyone,” Snoke continues. “A thousand women would line up at your door for the chance of your embrace, and you focus on the foolish promise of true love? What is love compared to sensation?”

Refusing to acknowledge the voice, the Supreme Leader rolls over onto his side. Undeterred, Snoke continues to pour poison over his heart. “Oh, what sensations there are! You, of the knights of Ren, who have always denied yourself such pleasures. Who are you to even know love when you see it?”

“I know love,” he spits back at the darkness surrounding him.

“Then you’re all the more a fool. You know the torture and you wallow in it like the pathetic weakling you are. But you were not born to be weak. You were born with unimaginable strength, and you have allowed this girl to break you. Why? Because she touched your hand?” The voice cackles in the darkness. “You think she ever cared about you? How could she ever love a monster like you?”

_You’re a monster._

The words that she had told him so many times echo through his mind as the Supreme Leader fights to keep hold of his last hope. Surely this misery has to be for something, he reassures himself. If suffering was the only way to know that he was still alive, he would bear it. He could never take back all the death and destruction he had blindly handed out in the service of his master. But he could face his punishment. A lifetime away from the only thing in the universe that had ever brought him peace would be fitting recompense. 

Closing his eyes, he watches once more as their final tragedy plays out. After defeating Snoke’s guards, he couldn’t find the right combination of words to make her understand all he was offering. Then on Crait he had arrived too late to explain himself, to beg her to stay. She had closed the door on him and then even their force connection was gone until now. _After the way I spoke to her, she won’t be in a hurry to reconnect._

The overwhelming desire to be near her again breaks him as a single tear traces the length of his scarred face. Now and for the rest of his life he would suffer with the knowledge that he was doomed to continually drive away his only chance at redemption.

“You are never too far gone,” whispers a new voice in the inky night.

“Grandfather?” Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is startled upright and finds himself staring at the faintly glowing visage of Anakin Skywalker.

The man before him smiles serenely as his image begins to flicker and fade. “Have faith,” it calls out, “even when everything good seems to have gone.”

Staring at the place where Anakin had just stood, the Supreme Leader shakes his head to clear it. Infused with energy from his grandfather’s appearance, he knows that sleep will not come to him tonight. With a flick of his hand, he illuminates the room around him. Not sure what else to do with himself, he stands and crosses to his desk. With a practiced hand, he begins to write, to pour out his feelings onto plain paper. As he writes, he begins to catalogue each moment between him and the girl. Every feeling, every gesture, every instance of connection real and imagined are elegantly laid out word by word. Giving tangible presence to his memories fills him with purpose as the hours pass.

Setting aside his pen, at last he is satisfied that he has chronologged the whole sad history of his infatuation with the one who can never be his. Despite his sadness, a sense of quiet overcomes him as he reads the words he has committed to paper.

“That doesn’t sound right,” he hears Rey whisper in his ear. Startled, he turns his head to see her seated beside him. “That can’t be right Threepio,” she asserts again. Slowly she turns and looks him in the face. “You know this language right? I mean you studied it,” she asks, looking directly at him as though she were truly beside him. He is so preoccupied with the fact that this must be some hallucination that he does not answer. 

“Ben. Ben. Hello? Are you there? I’m looking right at you. Can’t you see me?”

“What do you want?” he asks in a tone that comes out as angrier than he had intended.

“I’m trying to learn something, you know? To do something productive with my time you great Narquad, but excuse me for bothering you. I forget that as Supreme Leader of the galaxy you must have lots of important things commanding your attention,” Rey replies, clearly irritated with him.

“No, its fine,” he finally answers in a flat, even tone. Hoping to disguise his nervous excitement as conceited indifference, he leans over to look down at the text she holds in her lap. The feeling of her breath against his ear threatens to overcome his senses as he tries to focus on the faded, yellowing pages before him. “What part?” he asks.

“This one,” Rey replies, brushing against his arm as she moves her fingers over the page.

“I can’t quite make it out,” he replies coolly. “Can you hold the book this way so I can at least see it?”

She obliges, rolling her eyes, and he kicks himself for the sharp edge his voice had given to the command. If she only knew how fast his heart was racing she would be astonished that he could even form complete sentences.

“This book. It’s older than any I know of. Where did you get it?” he asks her after reading the passage twice to himself.

“It was here. On the Island,” she replies with a mischievous smile. “I took them when Luke refused to train me. Threepio is helping me translate. But this part doesn’t make any sense to me,” she whispers. “He must have gotten it wrong.” While his eyes fixate on the curve of her lips, she looks off into the distance. 

“I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t expect to see you,” she whispers. 

The intimacy shakes him; he is about to reach out to her to make sure he isn’t dreaming. Deciding he had better not, he returns his attention to the book. He studies the words for a long time before observing, “This text doesn’t make any sense.”

“You mean, you can’t read it either,” she replies dejectedly, kicking at the dirt covered floor of the crumbling ruin.

“No. Of course I understand the words. What I mean is, these aren’t Jedi teachings.”

“That’s ridiculous. These are Jedi books, from the Island of the first Jedi temple. They have to be Jedi teachings.”

“I have never heard any of my teachers, not Snoke, not Luke, speak of these kinds of things.

“Well, tell me what they say then?” she pleads, her eyes widening as he attempts to avoid looking into them.

“Something about the way to balance the light and the dark inside you. Welcoming both the dark and the light in as a necessary and equal partners in what they call an eternal celestial dance.”

“That can’t be right,” she replies. “You have to banish all darkness.” Her words crush his heart because he knows he will never be able to eliminate all his anger, not even for her sake. How long he is silent, he does not know, eventually he rides out the storm raging inside.

She allows him to have his silence before cautiously placing her hand over his, “I have to go, but I will be here again tomorrow. The same time. Will you come?”

“You could come to me you know. Here on my ship. Bring the books. I would teach you. I mean, we could learn together. You would be my guest and no one would harm you. I could make it so no one even knew you were here.” 

“I can’t.” she replies, though he sensed her reluctance before she even said the words.

“You don’t think you can,” he replies with anger, “but you haven’t been on Ahch-To long enough yet. I know you. The lack of stimulation will drive you crazy. Eventually the day will come when you will beg me to take you away from all the boredom and despair.”

“I won’t. Not ever!” she replies in that same stubborn way that had captured his attention when he had interrogated her.

As she fades from his view he sees the same look on her face that he had last seen on Crait. She couldn’t have known it, but watching her leave on the Millennium Falcon was more painful than when she had sliced his face with her lightsaber… _his_ lightsaber. _How many times must I watch everything I love leave in that cursed ship?_

“She will betray you, just as they all did,” booms Snoke’s voice in his ear. “The only thing you’ve ever been right about is that you cannot be redeemed. This scavenger will not save you. She only wants your knowledge and your power. She would just as soon see you hanged for your crimes. Do not forget that you will never be forgiven for them. From the first life you took, you were marked by darkness; you are its creature. Do not let this nobody distract you from your destiny.”

Snoke’s words echo around the empty chamber as Supreme Leader Kylo Ren looks down at his white knuckles. Unclenching his fists, he examines the little crescent shaped marks on his palms where the red of his blood was beginning to flow.

 _I may be irredeemable, but as long as she lives, hope lives with her._ This thought is the only thing keeping him from the siren song of the nearest airlock as he collapses onto his bed.


	3. Chapter 3

The sunlight streaming in through the single window of her hut, warms Rey’s face as she gently reenters consciousness. 

“No,” she moans, realizing that her dream has once more come to a premature end. _But what was I even dreaming about?_ she wonders, sitting up and looking around herself.

Desperately she tries to hold on to the sense of satisfaction the dream had left her with. However, no matter the amount of effort she puts into trying to recover her nocturnal fantasy, only the sensations it elicited remain. _What sensations they are,_ she laments, staring out at the rising suns. Struggling to remember, she closes her eyes. Like the last fragments of a crumbling artifact, she clings to each tiny detail she sees in hopes that they will unlock the rest of the memory. 

_Red,_ she remembers. _Red curtains… The throne room._ Slowly the picture begins to fill in. At her feet, the two halves of Supreme Leader Snoke, at her side, her former enemy Kylo Ren. Surrounding them are guards, readying their attack. Her muscles twitch at the memory, readying themselves for action. 

That doesn’t make any sense, she thinks to herself, shaking her head. _There’s absolutely no way that dreaming about that fight left me with these other... feelings._ The dream must be gone, she decides. Throwing off her blankets, she fumes, upset both that she cannot remember and that she so desperately wants to. 

Unceremoniously she dresses for the day ahead. The urge to smile when she thinks of how she may see Ben today surfaces, and is repressed. _No use chasing that fantasy,_ she reminds herself. _He’s made his choices._

Keeping her head down, she focuses on her feet as she makes her way through camp to the mountain that held the first Jedi temple. Alternating between trying to remember the rest of the dream and trying to focus on the task ahead, she grows more and more frustrated with herself. When she has finally had her fill of her brain’s own nonsense, she exclaims aloud, “Enough.”

“Whoa, Didn’t mean to intrude.” The words trip and stumble through Poe Dameron’s full lips. “I was just out walking and I saw you were walking and I thought maybe, I dunno. That maybe we could walk together?” 

“Poe. Shit. I’m sorry. I wasn’t. I mean. I didn’t. I was talking to myself,” she replies nervously. “I had a weird… never mind. Long story.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally. So. Um. Then do you mind if we go this way together for a while?”

“I guess not. I’m heading all the way up to the temple. I’m working on trying to translate these really old Jedi books with Threepio’s help.”

“Sounds fascinating,” Poe replies, falling into step beside her. 

“No it doesn’t,” she replies flatly. “It’s incredibly frustrating. And I have no one I can really talk to about it.”

“Well, I may not know a lot about Jedi, and all that stuff, but you can talk to me.” He stops walking to turn and face her. “Always,” he asserts, stepping forward to give her the most serious look she has ever seen from him.

“I don’t even know what I’ve got yet,” she hedges. Looking up at his captivating smile, she adds, “But thank you. I’ll definitely let you know if it turns up the answer to all our problems or anything.” She gives a hopeful shrug as she takes a few steps back.

After an extended pause, she continues, “I’ll climb the rest of the way on my own. If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, of course,” Poe replies with a wink. “Good luck.”

“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need it, she calls over her shoulder as she turns towards the familiar narrow path snaking out before her. 

Unbidden, just a flash of Kylo’s face, contorted with effort comes to her as she climbs the steep steps. The memory from her lost dream causes her to stumble on the final step. 

_You’re late._ The accusation echoes in her mind as she crosses the threshold of the temple.

“What did _he_ have to say to you,” hisses a voice from the darkness. Slowly the figure of Ben Solo steps forward. 

“Who are you even talking about?” she asks, having immediately forgotten her interlude with Poe.

“That pilot scum,” he replies, his fists clenched at his sides. “I saw you talking to him.” His anger clear, he gestures towards the door.

“Wait, I thought you couldn’t see my surroundings,” Rey asks, looking around herself confused.

“I can’t. But apparently I can sense others. Especially if I’ve known them.”

“What do you mean, known?”

“I’ve seen inside his mind. When I interrogated him,” Ren spits. “I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. Not much going on in that pathetic brain of his that doesn’t have to do with either flying or fucking.”

“What exactly are you trying to say?” she accuses, both offended that he had tortured Poe and afraid of what he might say about the pilot’s past.

“Yes, you already know it. He’s notorious for having a lady in every port; a disgusting space-jockey, just like my father.” 

She glares at Ren, wanting so badly to hate him in this moment. 

“He could never make you happy.”

“Wait, what? Who said anything about making me happy? And what does Poe Dameron possibly have to do with that. He was taking a walk. I was taking a walk. We walked together. I don’t see what there is to get so upset about.”

“I’m not the one who’s upset. You are,” Ren calmly replies with an infuriating smile. “You’re angry with me. Now we come to the part where you call me a monster again.”

Sensing that Ben is egging her on, she takes a deep breath. “You’re not a monster,” she whispers. 

She can see the rage vibrating within him as he tries to hold onto the last of his self-control. Instinctively she senses that he is about to strike out at her, to prove to her that he is worse than she ever imagined. Bracing herself, she prepares for his next onslaught. Instead, he simply shimmers and slowly fades out of view.

_You’re not a monster,_ she repeats in her mind, hoping that somehow he could hear her. 

Resigning herself to working alone today, she calls out to Threepio. Dutifully the droid comes to her assistance when called. However hard she tries though, she cannot focus on Threepio’s words as he reads the sacred texts to her. Flashes of memory keep distracting her: the raven waves of his hair, the supple curve of his lips. _Why do I care so much?_ she wonders. _Why am I still wishing he were here?_

Hours pass and despite her best efforts, Rey feels no closer to understanding either these cryptic books or the enigmatic man who kept coming back into her life. Completely irritated at the thought of having wasted a whole day she abruptly dismisses Threepio and moodily stomps back down the hill towards her hut. As she nears it, she hears Finn and Rose call out to her. 

If there was one thing she could not stand, suddenly now more than ever, it was the presence of those two. Ever since Rose’s recovery there had been nothing but sickly-sweet, sentimental canoodling between the two of them. The revulsion she feels at the thought of Finn and Rose fawning over each other strikes her as remarkably similar to what she had just felt emanating from Ben. _Was that it? Was he feeling this same mixture of repulsion and jealousy?_ she wonders. _Why else would he have specifically mentioned Poe’s many lovers?_

Putting the pieces together, she has to ask herself, _Was Poe really flirting with me?_ Cursing the fact that she has no real experience with human relationships, she bemoans her inability to interpret Poe’s intentions. Relentlessly pacing her room, she eventually decides that the much more experienced pilot can’t possibly be interested in her. Ben clearly misread the situation and was just overreacting as usual. 

Feeling overwhelmed by the events of the day, Rey sits cross-legged on the floor of her hut. Tapping into the energy of the island, she tries to clear her mind of all its useless clutter. When she closes her eyes however, instead of peace, the lost remnants of last night’s dream come flowing back to her hard and furious. Assaulting her every sense, they coalesce into a single vision. 

Again, she is in the familiar throne room. Again, she sees herself fighting the onslaught of guards, with Ben Solo at her side. She feels the memories of the battle in her muscles that spasm as she relives the battle once more in her vision. _But this is not it. There was more,_ she reminds herself as she struggles to delve further into the dream.

_I have to know. I have to remember._ She repeats the words like a mantra. Pushing herself to her limits, she forces herself to recall the rest. Again the vision of the dream begins to form. As the last guard is killed however, she feels a strange new tension as she looks across the room at Ben’s face. His eyes are unusually calm and full of purpose as he crosses towards her. Without speaking a word, he reaches down to scoop her up.

Though her first instinct was to struggle against this new intrusion, she feels somehow completely secure in his arms. Instead of protesting, she simply sinks against his chest as he carries her. Windows and workers pass as her dark knight escorts her down the twisting corridors of his ship. At long last they come to a door, which seems to slide itself open, welcoming the two arrivals.

_Put me on the bed,_ she thinks, praying that somehow he can hear her silent command.

_I want you so badly, Rey,_ she hears his words reverberate in her heart but not aloud. _For tonight, and every night until the universe extinguishes itself._

Desperately, she wants to tell him that she wants him too, but the words stick in her throat. The best she can manage is a small moan as he gently sets her down right where she had begged to be.

“Are you hurt?” he asks. His face is twisted with concern, his brow still wet from exertion.

“I’m fine,” she replies, radiating with the hope that he will lean down and kiss her. Instead he rises from his knee, and crosses towards his private washroom.

“I’ll just get something for that cut on your shoulder,” he says. With his back to her he does not see her push herself up, and rise from the bed. Soft as a predator stalking its prize, she sneaks up behind him. Instead of pouncing however, she simply waits until he turns around.

There, looking down at her is an expression of the sweetest mix of relief, wonder, and exhaustion that she has ever seen. Tentatively, she reaches out towards Ben’s face. Leaning into her, he nestles his cheek in her small hand. As she touches him, she can feel a steady beating, a pounding, a drumming, akin to a heartbeat echoing from the recesses of her soul.

Focusing on his impossibly long eyelashes, she watches as he keeps his eyes closed for a long time, simply allowing himself to be cradled in her hand. Then, slowly his eyes open and the fire she sees in them awakens something deep within her.

As Rey sits alone in the darkness of her hut, she begins to feel the physical consequences of her remembered dream. Touching herself, she recalls how real his hand had felt as it snaked around her neck. Her nipples tighten, hardening into little pink buds as she recalls with exquisite detail all the incredible events that had happened next.

The sensations building inside her however, only serve to lift her out of her trance. _So that was what I dreamed about last night._ Sighing, she rises from the floor. _I should have let myself forget it._ Repulsed by the way her body had betrayed her, growing excited by the thought of intimate contact with Kylo Ren, she throws herself backwards onto her bed and crawls under the covers. Tucked under her blanket, she curses her own twisted brain. Closing her eyes, she tries not to picture his face as she repeats to herself again and again that it was just a dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Back in his throne room, the Supreme Leader sits listening as Hux drones on and on about new recruitment numbers, how many ships are needed to replace the ones lost to the rebellion and so on. Though he had accepted his title after the death of Snoke, the role of Galaxy Ruler was far less satisfying than he had been lead to believe. For the most part he left the running of his empire to Hux, who was all too happy to oblige. Still he had to keep up the pretext and therefore was forced to sit through far more of these things then he would have liked.

Listening to Hux list the specifications for the latest generation of Tie Fighters being developed, the Supreme Leader suddenly feels a rush of blood to his face. _What is this new sensation?_ he wonders as he scans the room looking for Rey. Examining the feeling, he notices that though it seemed similar to their force connections, this was something else entirely.

Distractedly, he watches as the general begins waving his arms frantically around. _His dramatic crescendo,_ Ren thinks narrowing his eyes, struggling to focus on Hux’s words. As he sits on his throne, additional figures materialize before him.

Watching this vision of himself and Rey fighting Snoke’s guards superimposed over Hux’s passionate speech, he utters aloud, “This is definitely new.”

“I’m glad you agree, Supreme Leader,” Hux replies.

_Shit, did I say that out loud?_

“Yes, General Hux,” Ren replies. “Proceed as you have outlined.” Abruptly he stands. “You are dismissed.”

Even as Hux turns to leave, the projections of himself and Rey continue their battle. As the scene unfolds, however, he begins to notice that events are not playing out how he remembered them. _So if this is not a memory, and it’s not a force connection, what is this?_ he wonders. _Who wants me to see this?_

“Grandfather?” he calls out. No one answers him as the fight before him nears its climax.

 _This is not from my perspective,_ he realizes as he watches Rey throw Anakin’s lightsaber to this unfamiliar version of himself. When the final guard sinks to the floor, the Supreme Leader’s pulse quickens as events before him begin to veer wildly from the truth of that night.

Instead of facing off with Rey for control of his grandfather’s lightsaber, Ren watches as his doppelganger lifts her into his arms. His breath ragged, he steps forward off the dais, trying to hear the words they are saying to each other as they exit the throne room. In an instant the Supreme Leader is rushing down the corridor following the pair as his other self carries the one person his soul yearns for. Closing his eyes briefly, he tries to remember how she had felt in his arms on Takodana. When he opens them, the vision is gone.

“Shit. No, no. No!” he screams as he wildly twists himself around, looking for the couple. Retracing his steps, he paces the corridor, willing the apparition to return. 

What was that? he questions again as he stalks towards his chambers. Sliding open his door, he stops short. His chambers are both familiar and strange as he looks them over. The first thing he notices is that his small, utilitarian bed seems to have tripled in size and luxury. His eyes struggle to focus in the soft light as he wonders, _Is this some sort of prank? Where did these candles come from?_

Stepping into the room, he sees for the first time that his bed is not empty. “Rey?” he asks, his heart pounding. When she does not respond, he moves in front of her, waving his hand before her face. Still she does not react, but keeps looking past him. A noise from behind draws his attention. Turning around he sees himself again.

He is struggling to comprehend this strange form of hallucination when Rey unexpectedly stands. Passing right through him like a ghost, she moves to wrap her arms around his counterpart’s waist. Blinking, he feels a little faint as he watches Rey embrace him so tenderly. _What is this?_ he keeps asking himself as he watches this alien version of himself turn around to face the small yet fierce girl.

Trying to get a better look, he crosses towards the sink, struggling to understand what is happening. Voyeuristically he watches as Rey reaches out to cradle his face, and he swears he can almost feel her hand.

Caught up in the moment, Supreme Leader Ren forgets himself. “I want you so bad, Rey,” he says aloud.

The truth that he has just admitted aloud shakes him to his core. Yes, in some ways he had always wanted her, but not just in the ways he had thought he would. At first he had thought of her simply as a means to an end. Now, looking down at her soft lips, he realizes that all he wants to do is sink down at her feet and give her everything. Unable to look at her anymore, he closes his eyes, trying to will the vision away. When he opens them, the scene that now confronts him confuses him more than ever.

There, standing in front of him, lips pressed together, stand he and the woman who was the focus of all his greatest desires. Blinking at the couple, he tries and fails to comprehend this new turn of events. _I must be losing my mind,_ he thinks as an unseen orchestra begins to play.

As badly as he wants to simply enjoy this vision, he continues struggling against it, needing to define this experience. It can’t be a premonition; the battle in the throne room had already occurred. It wasn’t a memory either, for he had not carried her to his room afterwards. “What? What is this?” he repeats, feeling his grip on reality loosening with each fond caress that he is forced to witness.

The question soon loses its importance when he watches Rey begin to unfasten her sash. Time slows as he watches the garments that covered her soft flesh cascade to the floor before him. Standing there with his pulse racing, he no longer cares what this vision is as long as it doesn’t ever end.

Desperately, he longs to reach out and touch her, to feel each supple curve. Much to his delight, his doppelganger soon fulfils his greatest wish. His breathing ragged, he watches the other Ren remove the glove of his left hand. For the briefest instant the Supreme Leader can almost feel the warmth of her body as his counterpart makes first contact.

Wishing it were real with every fiber of his being, the Supreme Leader watches as this shadow of himself begins to slide its hands up and down the bare sides of his heart’s last hope. As he watches, the vision builds in intensity; soft caresses evolve into desperate pawing as each figure before him attempts to close the little distance remaining between them.

Watching himself bend down to take one of her erect nipples into his mouth, his being almost explodes with sensation. The erection he feels straining against his pants is proof enough that this vision had physical consequences, but it still nags at him that he’s neither able to control nor participate in it.

“Oh fuck,” he exclaims, as Rey sinks to her knees before his other self. Deftly she removes his counterpart’s cock, and the Supreme Leader can feel his own throb with anticipation. Just as she is about to take his length into her mouth, the vision begins to slowly fade. Only the sensations remain as the reality of his empty, austere quarters shift back into view.

“Fuck,” he yells again, furious that the scene had ended so abruptly.

 _What now,_ he thinks as his entire being aches for her. His first impulse is to attempt to reestablish their connection. However, not knowing what it was that had connected them in this way, he is at a loss for how to begin. If he could at least determine the source of these visions, then he might know what to do about them.

Years of teaching had taught him that a Jedi must forgo the pleasures of the flesh, that they would distract him from his purpose and his ability to see the force. Every moment he spent in Rey’s presence had been a test of that training. _But if those teachings were true,_ he questions, _why would the force have connected him to Rey in this inexplicable new way?_ Yes, Snoke had claimed he was the one that manipulated the force to somehow create this bond, but their connection had remained after Snoke was killed. And this new thing? This, he realizes, was something even more foreign than that.

Not for the first time the Supreme Leader finds himself completely unmoored from the reality he had once been so certain of. Facing the cold prospect of the longing within him, he unfastens his pants. For the first time in many months of self-denial, the Supreme Leader takes his still throbbing cock in hand and begins to stroke.


	5. Chapter 5

The sudden rush of sensation between her legs startles Rey awake. Groping around her in the dark, her hands reach out blindly for someone who isn’t there.

What was that? she wonders, throwing herself back down on her pillow. Her breast still heaving, she slides two fingers down towards her slit. The slippery wetness she finds there surprises her at first, but as she continues to investigate, she finds the tender areas there still buzzing with sensation. Discovering that a little pressure and friction on the hardened nub nestled amongst her womanly folds increases the pleasure, she begins to rub against it with the two fingers of her right hand.

As she continues the small movements, the face of Kylo Ren comes to her. Alarmed at seeing the face of the man who had recently been playing a starring role in all her dreams, she freezes.

Is he really here, or am I seeing things? she wonders.

Confident that the vision of him was all in her head, she lies back and begins to relax once more. About to bring her fingertips again to her most intimate zone, she stops short. The thought occurs to her that she is usually not the one who initiates her force bond contact with Ren. Her pulse hammering in her ears, she realizes that he could suddenly appear at any time.

What would he do if he knew that I touch myself while thinking about him? she wonders as her fingers begin to slide up and down rhythmically. What would he say if he could see all the explicit things we’ve done in dreams?

He probably wouldn’t even care, she thinks to herself with a deep sigh. From the beginning of their acquaintance he had made it clear that she was beneath him. She, the daughter of no one, could never have expected to be courted by him. The only reason he still came around after his initial curiosity at their inexplicable connection was now due to the Jedi texts that she possessed.

A voice from within reminds her not to worry what he might think. All she can do is look after herself. With every nerve in her body telling her to keep going, she knows that she has to finish what she’s started. Closing her eyes, she begins to rub her clit again. Picking up speed, she grows more and more turned on by the idea of him discovering her like this. Maybe he would like what he sees, she thinks. He might even be turned on enough to take over for me. The thought of his strong hand wedged firmly between her thighs sends her up over the edge of sensation.

Her breathing is still labored as she comes to her senses. What the hell just happened? What is wrong with me? she wonders.

Burying herself under her covers, she is amazed that despite all the conflict between them, her unconscious mind couldn’t seem to let him go. “Why do I keep having these dreams?” she asks the empty room.

“And what does it mean that I am feeling so strongly drawn to him,” she continues. “How can I physically feel the attraction to someone who isn’t even there?”

Is this love? she asks herself. Cursing her parents, she realizes that though their abandonment taught her to be self-sufficient, capable, and strong, she never had the chance to witness love between two people.

Frustrated at her own lack of answers, she rises from bed. Moving to the washbasin, she pours a small amount of water into the shallow bowl and begins to cleanse herself. Still slightly perturbed, she throws her hair back into a series of messy buns. Preparing to lose herself in the thousand menial tasks of the day, she takes a deep, cleansing breath before exiting her hut.

The hours pass slowly until her hunger begins to gnaw at her, calling her back to the hearth and yet another meal of fish. Though the others were starting to grumble about eating the same things day in and day out, she still savored each mouthful after subsisting so long on Jakku off the meager portions doled out by the odious Unkar Plutt.

She is scraping the last remnants from her bowl when she feels someone approach. Reaching behind herself with her mind, she senses something similar to what she felt in Ren’s presence. Attempting to discern the difference between the two, she closes her eyes, only to be surprised when General Organa sits down beside her.

“Is everything alright?” the general asks. “I’ve been watching you today. Something is off. You’re usually so single minded, so focused.”

Rey looks off in the distance, unable to meet the general’s eyes. How could she admit to this woman that impure thoughts of her son were her sole preoccupation? Certain that she cannot tell the General a lie, she simply blurts out, “What does it feel like to be in love?”

The general laughs as she replies, “Infuriating.”

Disheartened, Rey hunches her shoulders. This was not the response she was looking for. It was however, the exact word she would use to describe her feelings for Kylo Ren. Until this moment she had held out hopes that the sensations she felt were anything but love, and now she is crushed. Wallowing in self-pity, she cannot bring herself to utter another word.

“Its funny how closely related love and hate can be. When I was with Han,” Leia continues filling the silence. “I would feel so angry at one moment,” the general turns, looking directly at Rey now. “You know that type of anger where you just want to smash something? That was what I felt more often than not.”

“Yeah,” Rey replies sympathetically.

“He was so unbelievably good at getting under my skin. I think sometimes that his only hobby was tormenting me. And he knew how much he got to me. He just knew it, and the smug look of satisfaction on his face, well... I’d. I’d want to smash his perfect face into the nearest bulkhead. But then,” the general sighs and Rey leans in closer to listen as the general’s voice grows softer.

“Then, he would give me this look. It was,” she hesitates, searching for the words. “It was just this indescribable look. It was somewhere between mischievous and genuine, and it ruined my resolve every time I saw it. It was so perfect, so heart-rending. When he gave me that look, I knew I couldn’t help loving him. Despite the many conflicts and the arguments, despite how little he deserved it sometimes, my love for that man never changed.”

Watching the general pour out her heart like this, strikes Rey at her very core. The way Leia described Han reminds her so much of Ren… Ben, she reminds herself. Ben Solo. Shit, she thinks, I cannot be seriously falling in love with Ben Solo. After their last real meeting, after the scene in the throne room when he asked her to rule at his side, she was all but convinced that Ben Solo did not exist anymore.

How can I love someone who isn’t even a someone?

General Organa looks at Rey, then furrows her brow and follows the line of Rey’s sight to see what she was so intently focused on. “You know. I’ve only seen you two together a few times, but I can tell he likes you.”

Rey’s heart leaps then sinks. Could he really like me? she wonders. Then she snaps out of her fantasy life, and realizes who has been in front of her line of sight this whole time. “Um, what?” she asks.

“Poe. That’s who you’re talking about right? I mean you’re looking right at him like a love sick Ewok. I’d never mistake it anywhere. I can tell you it’s a look I’ve seen more than once.”

“Poe?” Rey asks, a little relieved that the general had missed the mark entirely. “No. No, no, no,” she repeats, shaking her head emphatically.

“I’m not sure he’s the right one for you though. Don’t get me wrong. I love Poe. He’s a great pilot and he has proven himself as a capable leader in the time that we’ve been here, but I would caution you.”

Rey blinks, still trying to process the fact that she was getting dating advice from The General Leia Organa Solo.

“I see so much of myself in you,” Leia continues. “And a woman who is strong like us, well, she needs someone who is able to be not just her equal, but her compliment. We need a reason, a reminder to be soft as well as strong. It’s a balance, like with the force. Not just men and women, but male energies and female energies play off each other. There are things about you that have a masculine energy, and things that you are only starting to discover that have a feminine energy. Both are essential and both need their opposite to reach their full potential. Somewhere there is one or more people that could compliment your energies in the right way. I’m not certain Poe could be that person for you.” The general’s smile widens. “But while we’re stuck here it might be fun to find out. I’ve seen him looking at you; he’s definitely interested.”

Rey is so wrapped up in everything the general has just revealed about the nature of love that her final words take time to register. She sighs, wondering if she could ever have a chance to see the real Ben Solo again, when the name that Leia had actually said hits her.

Flustered and at a loss for words, she makes her excuses to Leia as she leaps from her seat on the cold stone bench. Hurriedly she casts her dishes among the others in the basin and turns her back on the whole encampment. Climbing the steps towards the ruins of the Jedi temple once more, Rey tries to clear her head.

What was it that Leia had said about Poe? she wonders as she presses herself to climb faster and faster. That she knew he was interested? Impossible. He was nice to her, but... Panting, out of breath from the exertion, she stops. He was nice; something that Kylo Ren had never been. Maybe that was what Leia had meant about finding the balance. Rey knew that she often came off as direct and impersonal, but Poe always responded to her with friendliness and sincerity. Could that be what the general had meant about finding the balance?

She is still struggling to understand what this new information means as she ascends the final stairs. Crossing the threshold, she sees something that leaves her breathless. There bathed in a beam of pure golden sunlight, sat the one man that ever made her feel things in spite of herself. He was never kind to her, he never seemed happy to see her, but she could not deny the feeling that his presence always elicited.

She approaches softly, wondering how long it will take him to sense that she is there.

“No droid today?” he asks her.

Shit, she thinks, shrugging her shoulders. She had not even thought to bring the droid. Threepio seemed unnecessary now that she had reestablished her force connection with Ren.

“So certain that I would come back. Why?” he continues in a deep even tone when she doesn’t answer.

“Not certain. Hopeful,” she replies without thinking. For the briefest instant she feels like her words had wounded him somehow. Impossible, she reassures herself as she removes her satchel. Unwrapping the text, she places it on the large flat rock beside her.

“Well, let’s see what you have today,” he replies in that same condescending tone that Unkar Plutt would use with her when she was a scavenger back on Jakku.

“We haven’t read this one yet,” she replies picking up the book.

“You’ll have to hold it so I can see the words,” Kylo Ren commands, motioning for her to move closer.

Wordlessly she takes a seat in the light beside him. He shifts his weight and as she feels him brush against her shoulder, she sucks in a sharp breath.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me.” he says. “I haven’t bitten you yet.”

Yet? she asks herself, swallowing hard. Indulging in the thought of Kylo’s mouth anywhere near her, she allows herself to get so distracted that he has to snap her out of it.

“The book,” he demands, looking at her with an exasperated expression.

“Sorry,” she whispers as she opens the book, holding it so they can both see.

Slowly, but clearly, he begins to read the page before him:

> “Life and Death do circle round  
>  The everlasting spire.  
>  One and all must come in love  
>  To watch the dance transpire.
> 
> What was lost can ere be found,  
>  When light lets darkness in,  
>  And then the beating of two hearts  
>  Echo as in nature’s twin.
> 
> Hear the silence of the sound,  
>  That breathes in morning’s glory.  
>  Now and Then becoming one,  
>  No ending to the story.”

“That was beautiful,” Rey sighs, staring past him out the open window. “But what does it mean? Is it just Jedi poetry?” she asks, turning back to look deep into his eyes. “Keep reading. Does the next page give an explanation, or are we supposed to decide what it means ourselves?” 

Though the pained look on Kylo’s face confuses her, she continues, “I mean, ‘Life and death do circle round,’ that talks about the cycle of life, easy.”

“Easy,” Ren repeats flatly. “The idea that love can conquer all is a bit of a cliché though, don’t you think?”

“Where do you see that?” she asks, leaning forward.

“Here,” he replies taking her hand and tracing her fingers over the letters. “Here, where it says, ‘One and all must come in love.’ It’s like it was written by some naive teenager.”

“No.” She shakes her head, pulling her hand back. “That just means you have to have an open heart, a willingness.” she admonishes. “You have to have…”

“A willingness to let the darkness in?” he interrupts her with a scowl.

“No,” she repeats, growing frustrated. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She shifts her weight, unsure how to proceed, not wanting to set him off. “Maybe they are trying to say that not just good things deserve love. Read that part about the light and dark again.”

> “What was lost can ere be found,  
>  When light lets darkness in,  
>  And then the beating of two hearts  
>  Echo as in nature’s twin.”

“See,” she tells him, smug in her interpretation. “Hope is not lost if you accept that death, that darkness, is a part of the dance of life.” 

“I suppose,” he replies, his voice shaky.

“And then that business about the beating of two hearts, the echo. The call back to nature, to the natural order. They are saying that the lightness needs the darkness to be balanced.” She sees him staring at her so intensely and she wavers a little in her convictions. God, he must think I’m an idiot, she thinks. “Um, at least think that is what it means,” she finishes, looking down at her hands.

“No you might be right. It’s just,” he pauses, searching for the words.

She studies his face as she waits for him to collect his thoughts. As she watches his expressions, all she can think about is how she wishes he would show her half of the affection Poe did. WTF brain? she accuses, snapping out of it. This guy kidnapped you. He killed Han Solo, he tried to kill you and what? You touch hands, have a couple of steamy dreams and now you’re wishing he was your boyfriend?

“It’s a bunch of touchy feely bullshit.” Ren finally proclaims.

Rey instinctively leans away as she senses his anger growing.

“Good is good, evil is evil. You can’t pick and choose what you want to be. You are what you were destined to be forever,” he asserts with an alarming finality. “I am Darth Vader’s grandson. I am destined to carry out his legacy. There is no other path for me.” Rising to his feet, he stalks off towards the door.

“I think you’re wrong about your grandfather,” Rey says as she cautiously approaches him.

His rage palpable, he turns to her. “What would you know about it?”

Taking a deep breath, she summons all her courage. “Just the stories. Luke for example. You know more than anyone the darkness in him. But still he brought Vader to the light. Vader killed his evil master, just as you did.”

“If you’re trying to convert me, you’re wasting your time.”

“I believe in you Ben,” she begins. “Together we could…”

“You don’t understand what you’re saying,” he spits at her. “If I walk away from everything, then everything that I did to get here was senseless. You saw me kill Han Solo, but do you know how many others I have slaughtered?”

She looks at him in shock, her heart breaking for him as she remembers what his life has been. She had almost let herself forget the man beside her was also Kylo Ren, the now Supreme Leader of the Galaxy.

“I am irredeemable,” he repeats, almost proudly as he shimmers into nothingness before her eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_So what? I just supposed to give up on you?_ Rey thinks to herself as she descends the stairs in a huff. Gritting her teeth, she curses at the clouds. _Maybe he doesn’t want absolution. Maybe he was only ever after my power. He claims he is irredeemable, maybe I should just believe him._ Growing up on the stories of Luke Skywalker and his quest to save his father, she had always trusted that good could conquer all. But maybe that was only because Vader wanted to be reconciled to his past.

_If Kylo Ren truly believes that he is beyond saving, then who am I to convince him otherwise?_

“Powers have you that you do not yet understand,” comes a voice from behind her. Turning around she sees a small green man with enormous ears.

“I’m sorry?” she stammers. “Are you one of the Jedi masters of this temple?”

“This temple? No. But a master I was.” Narrowing his eyes, the creature continues, “A master I still am.”

“Then you can help me.” Rey’s heart leaps at the thought.

“No.” he replies with astonishing finality as he shimmers away into nothingness once more, softly chuckling all the while.

_What the hell was that?_ she wonders as she blinks at the spot where the strange being had just stood.

“ _That_ was my old master.” comes a familiar voice from beside her.

“Luke!” she screams, throwing her arms around the man. Her arms pass right through him until she is hugging only herself. “I thought you were dead,” she says stepping back, examining her empty arms. “How are you doing this?”

“Things may die, but that does not mean they leave you.” he replies. Looking around he continues, “Great, now I’m even talking in riddles. I guess that’s what happens,” he adds with a laugh. “It's funny, the more I learn, the more I see why Yoda never told me anything. It actually is much more satisfying to discover these things for yourself.”

“So you’re here to help me.”

“Nope.” He laughs again. “I came only to tell you that you are on the right path, even if you cannot see it. Tread lightly with…” She cannot make out Luke’s final words as his spirit shimmers out of existence.

Feeling more frustrated and confused than ever she calls out to the cliffs around her, “What path? Tread lightly with what?” Receiving no answer, she trudges forward, making her way back towards the camp.

She had heard the voice of the little green man before, whispering in her dreams, crashing in the waves. Resuming her journey down the cliff, she curses Luke for fading away just as he was about to reveal something useful. _What was she supposed to tread softly with? And what path was he talking about?_ As far as she could tell she wasn’t on any path. She was stuck here doing nothing, just as she had been stuck on Jakku.

Looking down at her feet, she sighs, and then it hits her. _They don’t mean a literal path, do they?_ This was the planet of the ancient Jedi. These were the roads they left behind, ruined but still discernible. Determining that it was the best lead she had had in weeks, she decides to find its end. Down, through the camp she treks, around great boulders, past caves, following the trail as it snakes its way towards a tiny sliver of sand on the shore below.

“What now?” she asks, standing on the beach, shading her eyes against the harsh rays of the afternoon sun.

As if to answer her question, out of the azure waves a figure arises. Watching with increasing interest, she comes to realize that the man walking towards her is none other than a very naked Poe Dameron. When he sees her standing on the beach, staring at him, he quickly moves to cover his prized assets with his hands.

Looking down in embarrassment, Rey sees that at her feet is a small neatly folded bundle of clothes. Quick as she can, she bends down to pick them up. Thrusting them blindly in Poe’s direction, she fumbles through an apology. Though she is completely mortified to have found him here like this, he does not seem to mind at all.

“So you’ve found my little hideaway,” he says to her as he takes his clothing from her outstretched hand.

“I guess,” she replies, turning her back on him as he begins to pull the clothes over his incredibly toned physique.

“You can turn around now,” Poe calls over the sound of the waves after a surprisingly short amount of time. Though his pants are fastened, his shirt is only on in the academic sense of the word, for every single damn button is unfastened, giving her a clear view of his strong pecs and tight abs.

In hopes of covering up her reaction to his appearance, she attempts to strike up a casual conversation. “How was the water?” she asks.

“Cold,” he laughs. “But cold can be good sometimes, you know?”

She looks blankly at him, still shocked by both his presence and his appearance.

“I was letting the idleness get to me, having nothing to do. Thought the cold water might reboot the system, know what I’m saying?”

“I think so,” she hedges, still trying not to look directly at him.

“Did you want to be alone?” he asks, sweeping his wet hair to one side. “Is that why you came down here? To meditate or something? Shit, I’ll get out of your way then.”

“No,” she almost shouts, suddenly not wanting him to leave. Quieting her voice, she continues. “No. I was just wandering actually. Feeling a little lost.”

“Well, I can identify with that,” Poe replies with one of his devastating smiles.

Watching Poe’s eyes as he looks at her makes Rey wonder if Leia was right. _Is Poe attracted to me? More important, am I attracted to him?_ Again, Rey curses her inexperience with men. _How am I supposed to know?_ she wonders, sneaking a glance at the pilot’s rippling abs. A tiny twinge of excitement registers as her gaze lingers over each chiseled curve. 

The only other shirtless male she could compare the sight to was Ben. Though she had asked him to cover up, she had secretly memorized every inch of his massive frame. Since that night, the enigmatic Supreme Leader had certainly captivated her imagination. _But did Ben feel the same attraction?_ she asks herself. _Not likely._

_No,_ she reasons. _There is no way Mr. Supreme Leader of the Galaxy cares for me at all. If he did, he wouldn’t be so angry all the time._ Whenever they met through their bond, he was so obviously not in love with her that the only conclusion she can reach is that anyone who behaves the opposite of the man who hated her that much, must be in love. Thus, as she and Poe ascend the long path back to camp she tries to notice all the ways in which he was different.

By the time they reach the camp, Rey feels more confused and conflicted than ever. Throughout their conversation, Poe’s interactions with her were so vastly different from hers with Ben. Poe listened attentively to her, asked her thoughtful questions and even offered his hand to her when the path grew treacherous. She didn’t need his help of course, but she found herself feeling a little thrill whenever she accepted it.

Wanting to observe his behavior towards her more, she accepts his invitation to sit together at dinner. With as much objectivity as she can muster, she tries to watch how his behavior towards her differed from how he treated the others in camp. After all, he was a nice guy, affable and friendly, liked by everyone here. _He is probably this way with everyone,_ she tells herself.

In silence they eat their dinners while See-Threepio acted out the evening's entertainment. Though she got the distinct feeling on more than one occasion that Poe seemed to have inched closer to her, she still could not sense anything more than his usual kindness emanating off of him. By the end of the evening, she feels just as frustrated and lost as she had after her afternoon in the Jedi Temple.

“I’m glad we ran into each other today,” Poe says, breaking her concentration. His eyes focus on hers as he holds out his hand to take her dish.

“Me too,” Rey replies, her smile widening in response to his.

“I wish I could help you with those books. But I don’t know anything about any of this Jedi stuff.”

“I know. It’s not so bad though.”

“Yeah. At least you’ve got that Golden God to help you.”

Thinking he meant Ben, she spits out her drink. “What?”

Poe lets out an infectious laugh. “Threepio? Remember the story he told about the battle for Endor where the natives started worshiping him.”

“Oh, yeah,” she laughs nervously. “Threepio.” Then imitating the droid she repeats his famous line, “I do believe they think I’m some sort of God.” Both erupt into fits of laughter, drawing the attention of the others.

“It's good to see you laughing, you should try it more,” Poe says in a low tone as he stands to take their dishes to the basin.

Swallowing hard, she watches as Poe walks away, her eyes lingering on the muscular backside that his pants barely concealed. Unbidden, the sight of Kylo Ren comes to her mind once more. Impulsively, she had gone to him on his command ship certain she could save him, but he refused everything she offered. _Not a mistake I’ll make again,_ she tells herself, shaking her head. As she clears her mind, Poe once more comes into view. Better than any phantom, here was a real flesh and blood person before her. A very good-looking one, she reminds herself.


	7. Chapter 7

That night, in the silence of her hut, Rey paces the floor, trying to puzzle out everything that had occurred today. Cursing her treacherous heart, she attempts to understand why she can’t stop thinking about Ben Solo when he was so clearly disinterested. Even after everything she had experienced tonight with Poe, she still can’t stop herself from craving the presence of her dark prince. 

Shivering in the cool night, she thinks how even the ancient books they read kept asserting that light and darkness needed each other. Was she wrong to be hopeful when each new page they read claimed that the two opposites must coexist in a quasi-romantic state of superimposition? _That’s why I feel incomplete when he’s…_ She shuts her eyes, unwilling to finish that thought. 

Though he was always so haughty, and seemed so uncomfortable around her, she had blindly held onto the belief that his feelings could change. If he truly were so indifferent, he wouldn’t keep coming back. _The texts,_ she remembers, throwing herself down onto her bed. There must be something that makes him think they will help him achieve his goal. _So no, she decides, there is no hope of finding any kind of balance with Ben._ But both Luke and the small green man had asserted that she was on the right path. If the destination was bringing balance to the force, who was left that could be her partner? 

Of the other men she knew, the only other likely candidate for this kind of connection seemed to be Poe. Finn was now with Rose, and while Finn was good looking, he had never sent thrills of electricity down her spine. _Had Poe?_ she wonders. Certainly she couldn’t deny that today on the beach she had enjoyed the sight of his body. _Maybe that is enough._

Angry with herself for wasting so much of her time fantasizing about Kylo Ren’s change of heart, she wants to be sure of Poe’s feelings before deciding to pursue him. _But how am I supposed to know Poe’s desires?_ she wonders. She can’t ask him, not without forcing things to move forward in one way or another. Besides, if she confronted him and he rejected her, she would lose one of her only friends, because she would be too mortified to talk to him ever again. 

Jumping from her bed, she suddenly remembers how Kylo Ren had silently interrogated her back on his ship. He had simply concentrated his efforts and slipped into her mind. Before she knew what he was doing, he was revealing all her innermost secrets.

Though she has never tried it, and has never been trained, she is convinced that it can’t be that hard to reach into another’s thoughts. Other Jedi she had read about seemed to do it with ease. As with anything else, a little meditation and some deliberate focus should do the trick.

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, she closes her eyes. Using her mind, she attempts to reach out, first just to see and feel the things in her immediate surroundings. _Good,_ she thinks as she senses herself reaching the walls of her hut. With a concentrated effort, she pushes out beyond those walls. Reaching the soft tendrils of her thoughts out into the cool air, she stretches towards the hut of Poe Dameron.

Not sure what to expect, she expands herself to fill the space of his room until she senses a part of it that is different from the rest. Pushing in towards the feeling, she leans forward until she practically tumbles into some unknown place.

 _Is this him? His mind? His memories?_ she asks herself as she looks around in wonder. Inside the cavernous hold of some enormous starbase, fighter planes stretch out as far as she can see. In the distance, she watches Poe as he approaches one of the X-wings and climbs aboard.

“This must be a memory,” Rey reassures herself as she watches the scene unfold. “Ben was right about this at least; Poe’s head really is full of spaceships.”

Before she knows what to do, she is unexpectedly thrust into the cockpit alongside Dameron as his fighter launches. An epic battle rages around them as Poe dodges and shoots, somehow evading every enemy and hitting every target. _If this really is a memory,_ Rey thinks, _then Poe must have some abilities with the Force._ So far he has not missed a single shot and the maneuvers he pulls both scare and amaze her. If he is force sensitive then there is still hope that maybe she doesn’t need Ben after all. She smiles, dizzy with the thought that Poe could contain the opposing energy that she needs to help her achieve the balance the ancient Jedi were so obsessed with. 

For what feels like hours, she allows herself to get wrapped up in the drama of the space battle. The visceral thrill, the excitement of it; she can see why he misses it so much. Connected to him in this way, she feels his every emotion as the battle nears its conclusion. She can even sense his disappointment as the last enemy is defeated, forcing him to return to the base. 

Back in the hanger, the scene around them becomes blurry and disjointed as she watches Poe climb out of his cockpit. Wondering if she is losing her grasp on his mind, she struggles to maintain her focus. When the room finally stops spinning, she stares blinking at a version of herself silhouetted against one wall of the deck.

As she gawks at this other self, she notices that all of the background noise and the people that had just been there a second ago are gone. All that remains is Poe and what she can only assume is his mental projection of her. From her vantage point between the two of them, she sees a hunger in Poe’s eyes that startles her at first. Feeling her pulse quicken, she silently watches Poe approach her double. He does not speak as he presses himself against her. The power of his passion excites and confuses Rey as she watches his hands caress her. 

“This never happened,” she whispers to herself, struggling to catch her breath. “This can’t be a memory. What is it then? A dream? A fantasy?”

 _Oh, no,_ she realizes as she sees the Poe of her vision with an erection rising in his flight suit. _Is he next door masturbating?_ she wonders, feeling aroused by the prospect. _Could he be touching himself to thoughts of me like I’ve done when I’m thinking about Ben?_ Studying the energy radiating off Poe as he kisses every exposed inch of her double’s flesh, she knows that must be what is happening. Biting her lip, she savors the waves of excitement radiating off Poe as he backs this other Rey up against a wall.

Enjoying the sight of each embrace, she watches Poe’s fantasy continue to unfold. His frenzy growing, he presses himself against her other self, until every atom of space between them disappears. Taking her hands, he gathers them up above her head as he pulls aside her top, revealing her bare flesh. While his mouth continues its attentions over Rey’s neck and lips, he uses his free hand to cup her naked breast. His rough fingers tease the soft flesh of her nipples, the friction hardening them as they buzz with sensation.

Rey can almost feel Poe’s hand on her as she watches how much her double is enjoying his escalating attentions. In her nineteen years, Rey laments that she has never had a man touch her this way. Now deeply entwined with Poe’s thoughts, her own body begins to tingle in response as she enjoys their dance.

Her own excitement increasing, Rey watches as Poe, with jagged breath, bites and nips at her soft flesh as his mouth traces a path down her neck towards her exposed nipples. He releases his hold on her double’s wrists, as he snakes one hand down the front of her tight pants. Instead of pushing him away, Rey’s other self grabs fistfuls of Poe’s wavy black hair as she grinds herself against him.

Her heart pounding now, Rey studies the faces her double is making as Poe lingers, his tongue flicking at and circling each of her erect nipples in turn. Though this was all in her mind, she swears she can almost feel the heat of his breath, and his tongue’s tiny movements on her skin. Her own excitement growing, she imagines what his fingers have found to play with between her legs. She almost cries out for him not to stop as he suddenly pulls back. In one dramatic gesture, he reaches behind himself to scoop his arm across the surface of the nearest worktable, scattering its objects to the floor.

Enthralled by his confidence and bravado, Rey is fixated on Poe as he walks back to her counterpart, throws her over his shoulder, then roughly tosses her on the now empty table. Eyes widening, Rey scrutinizes his every motion as he begins opening the front of his flight suit. Both she and her double gasp as his erect manhood makes its debut.

 _Shit,_ she thinks. _It can’t really be that big. Can it? I mean, this is his fantasy right?_ Sneaking a peek again, she is confident he must be exaggerating for the sake of his fantasy. At least she hopes he is. _Just what am I supposed to be able to do with that,_ she wonders as Poe begins to show her exactly what she can do.

His intensity never wavering, the pilot pulls of her pants and casts them aside. Spreading her legs, he pulls her by her hips to the edge of the table. Looking down on her, he rubs one hand along her slippery entrance as he takes himself in his other hand. 

“You’re so wet,” he says. The words ring true as Rey shifts her focus briefly from this vision to her own body. “I’m going to make you scream my name.”

“Yes, Poe. Please.” Rey’s whispered plea reverberates through her as the pilot plunges his cock deep into her pulsing core.

Poe thrusts into her again and again with a possessed fury that intimidates Rey. She never knew sex could be like this; hot and fast, aggressive and dominating. In her mind, the act of lovemaking had always been softer, slower. With no practical experience, her only source of information was the romantic stories she used to read at night on Jakku, and none of those had ever excited her as much as this display of Poe’s single minded conquest. 

Refocusing her mind on Poe, she is intoxicated by the mix of adrenaline and pleasure he feels fucking her like this. The sensations within him continue to build as Rey grips at her blankets. The sound he makes startles her as Poe throws back his head, finally releasing the energy trapped within them both. Rey can feel it coursing through her own tense form as the world around her fades to black. When she opens her eyes, the scene around her is gone. Left alone in her room, her panties soaked through, Rey lingers over the euphoria she just experienced. 

“So that’s mind reading,” she says, feeling slightly giddy. Taking a deep breath, she allows herself to fall backwards onto her bed. Reaching down towards her slit, she is amazed by everything she just experienced. Whether or not Poe was in love with her didn’t matter anymore. She had learned something new tonight, and for that she would be eternally grateful to the pilot. 

Remembering the power she had felt flowing through Poe as he stood over her double’s prone form, Rey feels herself hunger for the same. There was someone out there she desperately wanted to dominate in that same way, but unfortunately it was not Mr. Dameron. No, the one she begins to picture as she works her fingers along her slippery folds is none other than the infuriatingly frustrating and endlessly handsome Kylo Ren.

In her mind, she sees herself towering over a prone Ren, having just knocked him to the ground in one of their sparring sessions. _Which we would totally have if he only renounced the First Order and came to me,_ she thinks, tweaking her nipple with her free hand. The now Supreme Leader just lies there watching, looking up at her, his longing palpable, as she slowly slides down her pants. Stepping forward, she pauses, her feet on either side of his shoulders, giving him a good view up at her most personal region.

Savoring the look of desperate excitement on his face, she slowly lowers herself towards his mouth. Wanting to see his perfectly pouty lips quiver with anticipation, she stops short, pulling herself back just as his tongue snakes out towards her exposed flesh. 

“You’ve been a bad boy,” she tells him as his eyes beg her not to stop. “You need to make it up to me.”

“Anything,” he intones. As he strains to reach her clit, she tightens the grip of her thighs on his face. Seeing the longing on his face, she finally draws herself closer to his waiting mouth. 

The heat as his tongue parts her folds radiates through the rest of her body as he begins his rhythmic onslaught. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair, she grinds herself against him, maintaining eye contact just as she had watched Poe do. The power she feels over him is as intoxicating as any physical pleasure as the pressure inside her builds and then explodes. Feeling as though she had actually left the prison of her own body, she rides the tremors of sensation back down into the cold reality of her empty hut.


	8. Chapter 8

Back on his ship, the Supreme Leader slinks down into his favorite chair in the always-empty observation deck. Ever since he had threatened triple duties to those who disturbed him here, not one member of the crew had returned. _Yet again, a situation I could have handled differently,_ he thinks, hating his short temper. _Another perfect example of how I always fuck everything up._

“Why do I always have to be such a dick to her?” he asks the audience of empty chairs around him. “I killed Snoke. What am I still afraid of?”

Hearing no answer, he hangs his head. Snoke had recognized his every weakness and exploited them his entire life. His former master knew that he had never felt secure in his parent’s love. Between his overachieving mother working nonstop for the senate and his lazy good-for-nothing father escaping every chance he got, he was never certain of where he stood with them. Snoke felt this and manipulated it perfectly, convincing a young Ben Solo to test the limits of their love. 

Under Snoke’s guidance, he eventually succeeded in finding that limit. They turned their backs on him, teaching him just how little he really needed their attention. Fueled by the power that Snoke had taught him to control, he became convinced that he would never need anyone again, _until her._

Looking out at the millions of stars, imagining Rey sitting alone out there on one of them, he feels an ache in his chest. Despite all he has done to purge himself of his humanity, he still feels a desperate longing to share his heart with someone. She was the first who proved that she could look past his mask and accept him as he was, and he still pushed her away. Remembering the last look she had given him on Crait, a single tear struggles against his lashes. 

“Who are you kidding?” A voice that seems to come from everywhere berates him. “It doesn’t matter what you learn about love because she will never love you. She may need you to teach her, she may fantasize at night about fucking you, but she will never, ever love you. You. Are. Unlovable.”

Holding his hands over his ears, Ren attempts to shut out the voice. He knows he cannot silence the words, no matter how he tries, for their source is within. 

“If this life has taught you anything by now it must be that,” the voice continues. “Look at the evidence. You killed your master out of your love for her and she still left you. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about her feelings, then you are all the more a fool.”

Growing more and more upset with himself, he rises. Pacing the room, the Supreme Leader tries desperately to calm the growing storm. He is struggling against the overwhelming urge to pick up and smash the nearest chair when he sees the force-ghost of Anakin Skywalker appear before him.

“Grandfather?”

“Lady problems?” Anakin asks with a smirk as he moves to sit near the large observation window. 

“I suppose,” Ren replies flatly as he returns to his chair. “I just…” his temper rising, he works hard to contain his anger. “Why does she affect me like this? I shouldn’t care at all about her she feelings towards me and yet I do. It’s all I care about. I’ve completely lost my focus… my direction.” Letting loose the rage inside him, Ren jumps from his seat, flailing his arms wildly. “I’m supposed to be the Supreme Leader of the fucking galaxy for fuck’s sake. And I am so pathetic and unnerved by this girl that I’ve left it all up to Hux. Do you know what he’s doing right now? Because I don’t, and I don’t really care either.”

His grandfather listens patiently as Kylo Ren finishes his tirade. After waiting for the restless man to sit back down he finally asks, “Have you told her that you love her?”

Caught completely off guard by the question, he feels like he’s just heard his grandfather speaking in tongues. “What? No.” He shakes his head emphatically. “Why would I do that?”

“To give her the chance to tell you she feels the same.”

“That’s the first way you’re wrong. She made it very clear when she left me that she could never love me.” Then almost casually he adds, “You know she called me a monster right?”

“Well,” Anakin interrupts. “What have you done to change her opinion of you? I’ve been called a monster more times than I could count, and I still got the girl.”

“Come again?” his grandson replies, puzzled.

“I said, what have you done to change her opinion of you? Have you been kind to her? Been open with her? Listened to her opinions? Shared her pain? Celebrated her small victories? No?” Anakin searches his grandson’s face, then sighs, “Tell me you’ve at least brought her flowers?”

“How am I even supposed to…” Ren begins, certain his grandfather has lost his mind.

“If you haven’t done any of these things,” Anakin interjects with a smug smile, “what did you expect? She’s lived a kind of life that, like you, has made her guarded. She has had no one to teach her what love is. If you don’t show her the depth of your feelings, she will never feel comfortable enough to admit her own.”

“And how can you possibly know that she loves me?”

“Truth is, I don’t think she knows it herself, not yet. The only thing she knows is that she is drawn to you, in much the same way that you are to her. The forces pulling us to our match can be mysterious to say the least. From the moment I met Padme, your grandmother, I felt irrevocably bound to her. Those feelings weren’t love at first though; that strengthened and evolved later. She didn’t want to let herself love me, but in the end, the magnetic pull of our bond was just too strong.”

The Supreme Leader’s mind reels as he is attempts to assimilate this new information.

“As strong as the bond is,” Anakin warns, “you will have to open up to her. That means you will have to face the prospect of rejection.” 

“I don’t know how to do any of this,” Ren sighs as he sinks further into his chair. “I never learned. My parents never showed me they how to love, only how to argue.”

“You don’t have to learn it from anyone. Listen to yourself. Use the force if you think it will help. You two are bonded together for a reason. Use that bond.” 

“But I always say the wrong thing.”

“She needs you,” Anakin insists. 

“No, she doesn’t. She is strong, capable, better than me in so many ways. I don’t deserve her.” Hanging his head he whispers through gritted teeth, “I don’t deserve love.”

“None of us do, Ben. That is the point. None of us deserve love. We all have black hearts; we are weak, selfish, vain, and immoral. But love is a gift we can’t earn,” Anakin insists rising from his chair. “Finding someone to love you is worth every hardship, every trial. It’s not too late to be the man you want to be with Rey. Try, and try again, and don’t stop trying until the words come out the way you want them to. With all your power, you must believe that you can shape your own future. You can control your destiny.” Stepping forward, he places his hand on his grandson’s slumped shoulder. “I know you sense that your destiny lies with her.”

Anakin’s ghost shimmers out of existence once more as Kylo looks up, silently pleading with his grandfather to stay. 

“Supreme Leader?” buzzes a voice over the intercom. “We’ve entered orbit around the planet Coruscant. Hux has prepped your shuttle and is waiting for you in the launch bay.”

Remembering his duties, the Supreme Leader rises from his chair in a cool, collected manner. “Tell General Hux I am on my way.”

At that evening’s parade, the Supreme Leader watches the rows and rows of troops march by in a seemingly endless procession. Numb to the experience, he silently imagines a plan to escape all this and go to her. His grandfather had said he would have to put himself out there, meaning he couldn’t just wait around in hopes that Rey would come to him again. Instead, _he_ would have to make the grand gesture this time.

As squadrons of Tie-Fighters pass overhead, he imagines himself slipping unnoticed from the crowd. Boarding his shuttle, he would punch in the coordinates of the planet that only he knew. He would be there this time when she came to the temple to study, and he would have the damn flowers his grandfather was so obsessed with. She would be climbing the last of the steps when she saw him there, bathed in the glow of the dual sunset. She would approach him, but at the last moment notice something different.

“Where did you get those flowers?” she would say, noticing the assortment of wildflowers he had freshly picked.

“They’re for you.” he’d reply, holding the bouquet out for her to take.

Cautiously she’d approach him, never taking her eyes from his.

“Are you actually here?” she would whisper when she got close enough for him to smell the faint perfume of the soap she used. 

The sound of At-St walkers lumbering down the street momentarily distract him from his fantasy. Looking to his side he sees Hux break into an almost maniacal grin. Grateful to have his own expressions hidden behind his mask, the Supreme Leader delves into his fantasy once more:

Still holding out the flowers for her to take, he clears his throat. “I brought you these.”

Refusing to advance, she tilts her head, her hair cascading over her shoulders.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he continues as she furrows her brow at him.

“So what? You just got on your ship and came to see me? Why?” 

“Because I need you.” Immediately the Supreme Leader feels a weight lift from his chest as he watches her internalizing his words. The relief of bearing the truth of his soul to another frees him in a way he has never imagined possible. “Life without you is unbearable. It’s nothing like I thought it would be. I sometimes wish I had never met you, because ever since then I have been tortured by dreams of you.”

“What do you dream about?” she asks him stepping forward. Warily she reaches out a hand to feel whether or not he was actually there.

“Your face,” he replies as he casts down his eyes, embarrassed by the truth. 

With her outstretched hand she lifts his chin, before delicately tracing her finger down along the length of the scar she had given him. “Does it still hurt?” she asks.

“Not right now. Not when you touch it,” Ben sighs as he leans against her hand and closes his eyes.

“Then let me touch all your scars so I can take that pain away too,” she replies as she begins to unfasten his collar. Before he knows it, the Supreme Leader stands shirtless before her once more. Unlike the last time, she isn’t asking him to put something on to cover himself. Instead she slowly, tenderly traces her fingers over every inch of his chest, pausing to give special attention to every mark. He can feel his heartbeat flutter whenever she presses her lips to each of the many scars that covered his torso. 

As she moves her attention to his back, he can hear her whisper “I’m sorry,” as her lips continue their work. Eventually satisfied that she has kissed away all his pain, she comes around to face him once more. Without uttering another word, she rises to meet his lips just as he bends down to claim hers. With her pressed against him, he savors the warmth of her body and wonders why he waited so long to come to her. 

“I’m ready for you now, Supreme Leader,” she says as she pulls away from their embrace. 

“What?” he asks confused. Rey begins to fade as the face of General Hux replaces it. 

“The people, they want to see you, Supreme Leader. Give them a wave, show them your saber, the usual thing that the rabble love.” 

Startled out of his fantasy, Kylo Ren gets even madder at himself for indulging such hopeless thoughts. He knows he could never go to her. He would be shot on sight by any number of her compatriots the second his ship landed. 

“That’s it,” Hux replies, shouting over the roar of the crowd. “See how the people love us. Their liberators!”

But Kylo Ren cannot hear it; all he hears is the steady hammering of his own heart. His spirit crushed by the persistent fact of her absence, he is glad again for the mask that hides his suffering. Silently he chides himself for indulging in such repellent, self-indulgent dreaming. Igniting his saber and holding it aloft for the crowd, he knows he will never feel her touch again.


	9. Chapter 9

Following the parade, the Supreme Leader finds himself imprisoned at an insufferably long and unstimulating cocktail reception. Already tonight, he had met and forgotten more self-important sycophants then he had in his whole life. Staring over the crowd, he finds himself missing the days when he could keep to the shadows of these things while Snoke chatted up the cream of galactic society. 

Unused to being approached by so many people at once, the Supreme Leader starts to feel decidedly unclean as the evening wears on. When he is finally able to return to his new penthouse, he hastily strips off his heavy brocade robes, ornate tunic and high-waisted black trousers. Pausing before the mirror he tries to imagine just how Rey’s lips would have felt against his bare flesh, as he steps into a steaming shower. The hot water running over every inch of his tense muscles gives him a tiny fraction of the relief he truly needs. However, as he stands there allowing the water to cascade over his face and torso, he begins to have the sensation that he is being watched.

With lightning speed, he whips around to face the intruder. 

“What, what are you doing here?” he stammers, seeing Rey staring back at him.

“I, uh…” she begins, her face a darker shade of red than he has seen from her before. He watches her eyes linger over his nude form before she continues. “I didn’t realize you’d be… busy. I’m sorry,” she adds, finally averting her gaze. 

_Remember what grandfather said,_ he tells himself, feeling the embarrassment radiate off of her. _Be sweet to her; show her your tender side._

“You’re getting stronger. I can feel it,” he begins. He steps forwards while wrapping a towel around his lower half. You initiated this contact by yourself. I’m impressed.” In the back of his mind it registers that she hadn’t asked him to cover up this time. “Was there something you needed?”

“I just… I just wanted to talk to you,” she admits. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“I don’t mind,” stepping towards her, he makes every effort to ease her discomfort. 

As he closes the distance, her eyes grow wide. “Shit, did I really do that to you?” she asks, gesturing towards his memento from their first battle. 

Unable to move, he dares not even breathe as he watches her reach out to trace the path her lightsaber had taken. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her fingers lingering on the rough, uneven flesh. 

“It doesn’t hurt much anymore,” he replies, in a soft low tone. Growing suddenly self-conscious about it, he reaches over to grab and pull on his undershirt. Standing there feeling vulnerable in nothing more than his shirt and towel, he somehow remembers to put her needs first. “You said there was something you wanted to talk about.”

“Yes, but it can wait. I really didn’t mean to intrude.” As Rey starts to back away he begins to worry that she will disengage from this connection.

“It’s fine, really,” he says taking her hand in an attempt to keep her there. “It’s one of the few moments I’ve had to myself. So, in a way, your timing is perfect.” 

“Being the Supreme Leader must be very… busy.” 

“Its not at all like I thought,” he replies, casting his eyes to the floor.

Lifting his chin, she stares intently up at him. “You can still walk away. It’s not too late to give it all up.”

Releasing her hand, he turns his back on her as he replies, “You know it is.” Taking a deep breath, he gathers the strength to say what he could not before. “If I leave now, I do become the monster you think I am. Everything I did to bring me to this place, will have been for nothing.” Still unable to face her, he ads, “And believe me, you don’t want the galaxy in the hands of Hux. The things he would do as head of the First Order would shock you.”

He can sense her approach even before she moves to set her small hand on his back. “I can imagine.” 

“I doubt you can,” he spits back over his shoulder. Turning to face her, his anger boils over at her presumptuousness. No matter what she said, he would never be free to leave. “Let’s not waste each other’s time anymore talking about things that can’t ever change. Why did you want to see me?” 

“I just,” she hedges. “I guess I just wanted someone to talk to.”

In his anger he almost suggests she go find Poe instead of bothering him. Remembering Anakin’s advice, he tries once again to empathize. Lowering his voice, he tries again to be sympathetic, “You must have people around you that you can talk to. General Organa, for one.”

“Yeah, she’s great, but...”

Swallowing hard, he pushes back memories of the long talks he had shared with his mother before Snoke had made him swear off contact. “I’m sorry,” he finally says. “You came to talk. I will listen.”

Smiling for the first time in months, he watches her many expressions as she begins to open up to him. Though at first, she simply talks about her day, eventually he finds himself sitting cross-legged before her as she relates to him her life story, filling him in on all the details he had only guessed at before. When she gets to the part where she met his father, Han, he can sense the emotion building in her. Reaching out, he wipes away her tears before they even have a chance to fall.

“You must be tired,” he says, deflecting her attention away from the painful memory. 

“It’s late,” she admits, “or rather early. The first sun will probably be rising soon.” Rey looks around herself at a setting he cannot see. “I don’t know if I should just stay up or try to get some sleep.”

“You need you’re rest. I’ll go,” he says trying to put her need for sleep above his own need to be near her. 

“Will I see you later?” is the last thing he hears as she shimmers once more into nothingness. 

The hours crawl slowly past as the Supreme Leader suffers through one presentation of loyalty ceremony after another. Outwardly, he recognizes this public affirmation of his leadership as essential to his reign, but inwardly he finds himself wishing everyone would just get on with it, so he could get back to more important things. 

When his duties for the day are finally discharged, he races down the corridors to his apartments where he will be undisturbed. Worried that he will have missed her, he hastily reaches out, attempting to reestablish their link. 

“I almost gave up on you,” she says with a barely concealed smile as he appears. 

“I’m glad you didn’t. Visiting dignitaries, they love to hear themselves talk.” 

“Unlike you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, slightly wounded by her accusation. 

“It’s a joke.” she replies brushing her knuckles playfully against his bicep. “Because you’re Kylo Ren, _The Supreme Leader._ ”

“Don’t call me that.” Something in the way she had called him everything but his real name shakes him. He liked that she was the only one who ever dared to call him Ben. Somehow hearing her call him by his adopted name seemed wrong.

“I thought you liked being Supreme Leader.”

“No, it isn’t that. Never mind.” Growing uncomfortable he tries to refocus their conversation. “What book have you brought today?”

“We will get to that. First I want to apologize.”

“Apologize? For what?” he asks, confused. 

“For just barging in on you like that yesterday. I’m really sorry. If I had known you were…” 

“Don’t make yourself distressed about it. I’m glad you did.” Kicking himself, he wishes he hadn’t said those last words out loud. _Great, now she’s looking at me like I’ve just grown an extra head. What if she thinks I meant I wanted her to see me naked. Do I want her to see me naked? Stripped of all pretense? More importantly,_ he asks, remembering how her eyes had lingered, _Does she want to see me that way?_

“Still, I’m sorry. We have this time arranged and I should have respected that.” 

Looking at the small, yet fierce woman before him, he longs to close the distance and scoop her into his arms. Certain that she would reject his advance, he continues to stare at her, unsure what else to say.

“The suns are getting low,” she finally says after a long silence passes between them. 

“We should try to read a little before we lose the light, then,” he suggests. “Make it not an entirely wasted afternoon.” He finds his inability to read her new expression incredibly frustrating as he waits for her to respond. 

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” Rey replies. Seeming to snap out of it, she pulls the books from her satchel for the first time today. Opening the book, she focuses on the pages, creating a mental picture of them that he can see. 

“This is interesting,” he blurts out after scanning the first few pages. “Yes. Finally something good,” he continues, asking her to again turn the page. “There are techniques outlined here that I’ve never heard of before. This introduction claims that they are essential to channeling the full power of the force.” 

Almost pressing against him, she leans in to see for herself. “That’s amazing,” she replies, her smile widening. “At last we’ve got what we had hoped for.”

Trying not to focus on their close proximity, he silently reads each new page as she delicately turns them over for him. However, the more he reads, the more distracting her presence becomes, especially once the words on the page begin to take on an erotic quality that he has never before read in a Jedi text. _If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was some sort of sex manual,_ he thinks, trying to ignore the feeling of her breath against his skin. 

As if to confirm his suspicions, he reads as the following chapter outlines in extraordinary detail, various acrobatic tongue-flicking maneuvers designed to bring one’s partner into a receptive state of heightened sensation. Fuck, he thinks as the words ignite his imagination. Though a growing part of him wishes he really could reach out and try out these techniques on Rey, he is still far too aware of her animosity towards him to initiate this kind of intimate contact. 

Steadying his breath, he tries to remember the way she had looked at him when he was in the shower. Glancing sidelong at her, he wishes he could have interpreted her reaction to the sight of his body. _She wasn’t completely repulsed, was she?_

“What is it?” she asks. “What does it say?” Rey demands. 

“Nothing. Another dead end.” he replies, abruptly rising from his seat. Turning his back on her he crosses the room, attempting to conceal his growing erection. 

Following him, she moves to take her place once more at his side. “Its okay. We can try a different book tomorrow,” she suggests in a hopeful tone. “You’ve had a lot on your mind, and you’re tired. We’re both tired. I think we should leave the rest for another time.”

He simply shrugs in response. 

“Walk me home?” she asks. 

His heart stops all together. 

“Walk me home,” she repeats as a command this time. “I am the only one that can see you. Come on. What’s the big deal?”

“Um,” he hesitates before realizing he is somehow incapable of arguing with her right now. “If you really want me to.” 

“I do.” She takes his arm to lead him. “I don’t know if you can sense where you’re stepping or not, so I’ll hold onto you to keep you from tripping over something you can’t see.”

“That’s probably not necessary,” he begins. “But… thank you.”

Allowing her to guide him, he is nearly overcome by the electricity he feels flowing between their connected spirits, when she unexpectedly laughs out loud. 

“What?” he asks, laughing nervously in response. 

“I just never thought I’d see this day. Us walking side by side.” Her smile melts his heart. “You’re not as scary as I thought you were,” she adds with a small chuckle.

“And you’re not as helpless as I thought you were.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she replies, playfully elbowing his side. 

_Great. There I go saying the wrong thing again,_ he thinks as they make their way down the path he cannot see. When she stops, he comes to the sad conclusion that they have arrived at their destination. Wishing he had something meaningful to say to her, he simply looks down at the ground as she releases her hold on his arm. 

“Good night,” he says, trying to mask the emotion in his voice. In the holofilms he used to watch as an adolescent, this was where the romantic lead would lean down and kiss the girl. No matter how soft her lips may be, no matter how much he might want to, he successfully stifles the urge. 

Before she can say a word, he disconnects himself from her mind. Finding himself alone staring at the door of his closet, he wonders at first how he got there. Then he remembers their long, meandering walk, and is glad that he kept so little furniture, and therefore had nothing to run into as he blindly walked around his room like an idiot. 

“You should have kissed her,” echoes the voice of Anakin Skywalker through the empty room. 

“I know,” is his only reply as he balls his fist and punches a hole into the nearest wall.


	10. Chapter 10

“Well, that didn’t work out at all,” Rey says aloud to the empty spot where Ben had just stood. 

A light rain begins to fall around her as she stands alone, asking herself what more she could have done to show that she wanted him to stay. Holding her hand out to catch the tiny droplets, she lingers for a while longer imagining what might have happened if he had only given her more time. _I thought we were making progress,_ she laments, recalling the emotions she swore she could sometimes sense when he looked at her. 

Standing there, allowing the rain to wash over her, her mind conjures a vision of Ben in the shower unwittingly displaying his firm backside. Focusing her will, she attempts to commit the sight to memory, saddened that she will probably never see it again. 

Even though she knew how hard he trained, she had still been surprised at how muscular he was as she had watched the water cascade down each rippling furrow. At first, she had tried to convince herself that she was still unused to the sight of so much water after a life in the desert. But that was not the case. She knows that the falling water had barely even registered when she took in the sight of his muscular thighs. 

Becoming aware of certain sensations building within, she curses herself for once more being so affected by thoughts of him as she storms across the camp to General Organa’s hut. 

“I recognize that look,” Leia says as she welcomes Rey inside. 

Face to face with the woman she idolizes, Rey realizes how ridiculous her plan to see the General was. _Am I seriously going to tell Leia about how her son has me tied up in knots?_ she wonders, looking around herself. 

“No. It’s not. I mean, I’m not,” Rey begins, trying to cover up her mortification. Struggling to find some other excuse for her sudden appearance, she spots See-Threepio shuffling around in one corner of the room. Taking a breath, she steadies her voice. “I am sorry to interrupt you General. Can I borrow Threepio again?”

“Right now? Sure thing. He’s been driving me crazy, so take him for as long as you need him.” Leia studies Rey’s face for a long while. “Are you sure everything is alright? You seem…overexcited.”

“Oh, yeah. I am actually,” she admits, hoping she can cover up the real reason why she has come over. “I’ve just found a new book,” she lies. “I hope it will give me some answers.” 

“And that’s why you came by despite the fact that it’s raining?” Leia asks suspiciously.

“Yep, that’s why.” Flinging her arms behind her back, Rey attempts to be nonchalant in the face of the general’s piercing gaze.

“Alright.” Leia turns her back on Rey, gesturing for the droid to step forward. “Just know if there is ever anything you _did_ want to talk about, my door is always open.” 

“Oh, um, yeah. Of course. Sure thing,” Rey replies, tripping over her words as she turns to leave. 

“Anytime,” Leia asserts once more, fixing her with a gaze that makes Rey wonder just how much Jedi training Leia had received. 

Not wanting to find out the extent of Leia’s mind reading abilities, Rey hurries back out into the courtyard. “This way, Threepio,” she calls to the droid, wondering what she was supposed to do with him now. 

In her rush to get home, Rey slips on the wet stones of the path.

“Oh dear,” says Threepio as he hastens over to help her back up. Before the droid can offer assistance, another hand reaches down. 

“I was on my way to see General Organa. Are you alright?” Poe Dameron asks as he helps her to stand.

Again Rey slips on the wet stones, landing in the pilot’s arms this time. “I’m fine,” she replies. Not wanting to admit to herself how good his warmth feels pressed against her, she tries to make herself disconnect from his embrace, but cannot.

“Captain Dameron!” Thankfully Threepio interjects himself between them with impeccable timing. Oblivious to the falling rain, the droid prattles on. “The General and I were just talking about you…” 

_Was he about to kiss me?_ Rey wonders, watching the pilot’s face as she tunes out the sound of Threepio’s voice. 

“Can I walk you home?” Poe leans down to ask Rey, ignoring the droid completely. 

Feeling the powerful emotions radiating from him, Rey hesitates to answer. If he did walk her home, he would probably kiss her, which meant she would probably end up inviting him inside. But, she realizes, that would meant sending the droid home, which would only mean more questions from Leia. 

“Thanks. I think I’ve got it now,” Rey replies, finally able to pull herself from the captain’s arms. “Threepio and I have a special project we’re working on.” 

“Oh right, of course,” Poe interjects. “The Jedi book thing. No. Yeah, don’t let me keep you.” Planting a tender kiss on her cheek, he adds, “Have a good night. I’ll catch you again tomorrow.”

The kiss still smoldering on her cheek, Rey tells the pilot goodnight before turning to the droid. “Come on Threepio. Hut’s this way.”

In the cozy warmth of her room, Rey strips off her wet clothes, and slips on a heavy, white robe. “Its okay. You can turn around now,” she tells the droid who had inexplicably insisted on facing the nearest wall while she undressed. Still unsure what she was supposed to do with the droid, Rey closes her eyes, asking the island for answers. Slowly, the memory of today’s strange session in the temple with Ben comes to her. Searching her impressions of the day, she remembers the ancient teachings that had brought him such excitement.

“Threepio, I need you to translate for me,” Rey begins in as calm a voice as her growing curiosity will allow. 

Rummaging through her bag, she removes the book and thrusts it in the droid’s direction. Recalling how discomposed its words had made Ben, she is almost shaking with anticipation as the droid begins to read.

The droid takes an insufferably long time to scan the first several pages before he speaks. The suspense is almost more than she can bear. _What was it that Ben did not want her to learn?_ There must be something truly important here or he wouldn’t have been so shook.

“Forgive me, Mistress Rey, but these seem to be copulation instructions of a most detailed and explicit manner.”

She stares blinking at Threepio for some time. 

“Oh dear,” replies the droid. “You’re angry with me. I am only telling you what I have translated. And I do believe I have translated it accurately.”

“Never mind that Threepio,” she says, cutting him off. “Tell me every word it says.” 

Listening intently, she stares into the distance as the droid begins to read. At first it starts off innocently enough. Just as Ben had said, it claimed that the knowledge presented within was uniquely capable of aligning the light and dark sides of the force. Furthermore it asserted that anyone who practiced these techniques regularly would possess powers that were greater than any others taught by the order. This was apparently due to the fact that these practices would intertwine all the skills that a good Jedi must have: the power to read minds, to interpret emotions, the power of suggestion, the ability to manipulate the physical world. If the book was to be believed, all the senses a Jedi possessed, the world around them, and the force connecting everything, would all be heightened when performing the rituals this book contained. 

Though Threepio kept stopping to see if he was offending her, she tells the droid to continue reading. When at last they reach section with the practical instructions Rey begins to understand the source of Ben’s sudden discomfort. The initial directions were simple enough; Two Jedi of similar strength agree as equals to raise each other’s consciousness together through shared meditation. _Makes sense,_ she thinks as Threepio continues. However, the room around her begins to feel uncomfortably hot as she listens to the droid outline how the two Jedi must sit facing each other, their hands gently resting on the other’s genitalia. 

_No wonder he wouldn’t read this aloud,_ she comes to realize, her pulse racing. Wanting to know everything, she again urges Threepio to continue despite his protestations. As he reads, the book’s topics range from mutual masturbation to a myriad of other techniques and positions she has neither heard of nor can imagine using. Several of them claimed to lead to such indescribable states of bliss that they necessitated warnings to prevent injury. Evidently, it was a common occurrence for two Jedis to crash violently to the floor after their lovemaking literally brought them to ecstatic new heights. 

When the droid finally reaches the last page, Rey utters a string of nonsensical commands that she cannot remember learning. “Threepio by my authorization, you must wipe all records of this book from your memory banks. If anyone asks you what the contents of this book are, you are to tell them it is a combat manual, and nothing more. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” the droid replies in an uncharacteristic monotone. “I have already done as you have asked.”

“Thank you Threepio. You may return to General Organa now.” 

After watching the droid disappear behind the flap of animal hide that served as her door, Rey sinks down onto her bed. As she begins to process everything she just heard, she realizes that though the explicit nature of the book had surprised her at first, nothing was more shocking than its central argument. However graphic and titillating its directions were, she still struggles to understand why it was so adamant that these techniques were the sole ways to harness the true power of the force. Her thoughts churn as she tries to wrap her head around the implications of such a book. No matter how she approaches it, she still cannot fathom how sex was supposed to bring balance to the force. 

“Is it just that it brings male and female energies together?” she asks the empty room. “That they work together, play off each other in a way that is mutually beneficial?” _Can they do that without coupling?_ she wonders, worrying that she and Ben will never have such intimate relations. 

Crossing her arms over her chest, Rey accidentally brushes against her nipples, setting the tender flesh aflame. Despite being read in the cold, metallic voice of the droid, the words of the book had affected Rey in deeply personal ways. Indulging in fantasy, she had pictured Ben and herself in each situation and position as Threepio read to her. Her body now on the verge of being overwhelmed with sensation, Rey pulls open her robe, allowing her hands to range over her body. Imagining the sound of Ben’s velvety voice reading those same words to her, she begins to rub her engorged clit. With a picture in her mind of Ben Solo’s face firmly lodged between her thighs, it is not long before Rey cums hard and fast.


	11. Chapter 11

His shuttle prepared to his exact specifications, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren breathes easier as the glittering towers of the Imperial City fade into the distance behind him. Trying to focus on the words coming from General Hux, he feels nothing as his second in command passionately outlines the First Order’s new campaign against the unfederated planets of the outer realm. Instead, all his concern is directed at his memories of Rey and their last encounter. 

Overanalyzing the events of their day together, he cannot help but chastise himself for his continuing cowardice. When the chance presented itself to be the suave hero he had always wanted to be, he had once more turned tail. _It wasn’t my fault though,_ he reassures himself. _That damned book threw me off. Why did it have to be so…titillating?_ Staring out the viewscreen, he watches with relief as his command ship finally comes into view. 

Upon landing in the hanger bay, the Supreme Leader orders not to be disturbed for the whole of the next cycle. In the sanctuary of his chambers, he searches his private archives for any other Jedi book that even mentioned sex. _Can the early Jedi really have believed that a sexual relationship was the greatest way to invoke the powers of the force?_ he asks. Convinced he must have been projecting his own desires onto the text, he reassures himself he simply misread the book. The alternative, that this book contradicted everything he has ever been taught about his own urges, was just too heartbreaking to bear. If the book was right about the power of such intimate unions, then once more the sacrifices he made in the name of his training would be empty, meaningless.

Still unsure if he can ever shake the yoke of his training, he paces the room. From an early age, he was conditioned to ignore and suppress each and every one of his sexual desires. Through his mental discipline, he gained the ability to step outside of himself whenever he experienced an unseemly urge. Once separated from his bodily responses, he could then objectively identify the thing causing the lust-filled thoughts in his mind and remove the offending emotions through intensive meditation. 

Now faced with the possibility that his teachers were wrong, he begins to question whether he is even capable of inviting his own sexuality back in. There was no denying that Rey had awakened a myriad of desires in both his heart and his flesh. However, he had always assumed those were further proof of his own inadequacies: if he were only stronger, he could will away his impure thoughts. The question that has been nagging at him surfaces again. _What if my thoughts weren’t wrong? What if they, and the actions they would someday lead to, were the true path to great power?_

Unsure of how to start indulging his desires, he closes his eyes, trying to imagine what an uninitiated person might do in his situation. Searching his memories, he recalls overhearing about certain holofilms from the occasional passing crewman. Moving to the nearest terminal, he pulls up a chair and begins his search for the kind of explicit material he has always denied himself before. A few simple commands later, he is bombarded with exactly the sort of content he is looking for. 

Film after film presents him with scenes ranging from the mundane to the extraordinary. Seemingly all manner of interspecies copulation and alien fetishes are represented, offering something for everyone. However, none of them can show him the emotional connection that he is so desperately searching for. As he watches each successive holoplay, he can feel his body responding, but not his mind. No matter how many scenes he watches, he does not see the kind of total body experience that the damned book had been hinting at. _These are all one sided, with one partner taking pleasure from the other. Where is the balance of opposite energies?_ he keeps asking himself as he watches film after film.

Feeling more frustrated than before, he is about to leave the computer terminal unsatisfied, when a video that he does not remember selecting begins to play. In the scene, he watches as two adversaries begin sparring in some kind of nondescript practice room. Though they are fully clothed, his heart leaps at the sight of the pair’s actions for the first time tonight. There was something intensely captivating about these two, and also somehow familiar. Leaning forward, he attempts to make out the identity of the partners as they fight each other with acrobatic grace. Neither seems to ever hold the advantage until suddenly the larger of the pair becomes pinned under the smaller one. 

“Do you concede my Lord?” the female victor asks the figure pinned to the mat. 

“You’d like me to, wouldn’t you?” asks the vanquished male foe with a broad smile. 

“If I’ve earned it.”

“You have,” the prone figure replies as he strains upward against his restraints. Eventually the man’s lips make contact with those of his conqueror. The spark that Ren feels ignite at the moment of the pair’s embrace, burns brighter and hotter than anything he has ever felt inside himself. 

The duo pull apart for a moment and the Supreme Leader’s eyes widen as he recognizes the faces of the two sparring partners. Confused as to how he is now watching his greatest fantasies play out on the screen, he leans in, straining for a clearer view. 

_I am not the one spinning this fantasy,_ he realizes as he watches the two bodies press against each other. _She must be dreaming again._ Embarrassed, he attempts to move his eyes away from the screen, to shake off this vision. His movement however, only serves to embed him farther in the dream as it begins to follow him everywhere he turns. He is about to question why Rey would be dreaming about him, when he becomes distracted by the sight of her removing her top. 

Suddenly unable to look at anything else, the Supreme Leader watches as his dream doppelganger reaches out to cup her perfect breasts in his hands. As if somehow they were acting out the instructions of the book, the pair ebb and flow into each other as pleasure for pleasure is equally exchanged. The playfulness of their interactions brings a smile to the Supreme Leader’s face even as his massive snake begins to strain against his pants. 

As their hypnotic dance continues, the Supreme Leader finds himself completely at the mercy of his desire. He becomes so wrapped up in the action that he can almost feel each caress of her hand against the bare chest of his twin as Rey slides her fingers over every inch of him. 

The two bodies begin to twist and writhe as each struggles to overtake the other. As his view of the action becomes blocked, the supreme Leader moves out of the shadow in which he had concealed himself. The momentum of his small action pushes him forward until he is standing directly behind himself looking down at Rey as she looks expectantly up at him. With a sudden resolve, he pushes forward, trying to superimpose himself over his counterpart. After a brilliant flash of white light, Ren looks down to see his own hands pressed against Rey’s soft flesh. Feeling the fluttering of her pulse beneath him, he is certain that he has successfully merged with his dream counterpart. 

Tentatively, he leans down to kiss her, testing the level of control he could exert over Rey’s version of him. Surprisingly the body he now inhabits responds to his every wish. Losing himself with the excitement of the moment, he decides to try out the first of the Jedi techniques he had read in the book. In a swift, fluid motion, he reaches out to grab Rey by her ankles. Sweeping them behind himself he brings his face to rest between her thighs. He looks up at the expression of shock and pleasure on her face as he slides her undergarments down past her knees. Anticipating his next move, she shakes them free, leaving herself completely exposed before him. 

Feeling a power within himself rising, The Supreme Leader pushes her legs apart as he leans down towards her sex. Magnetically, he finds himself drawn to her pussy as he spreads her wide. Trailing kisses along her thighs, he enjoys the little murmurs and squeaks that his attention elicits as he inches closer and closer towards her clit. Having reached that place where her legs concealed their greatest treasure, he presses forward. First with the tip of his nose, and then his tongue, he nudges at her most sensitive zone until he can feel her react viscerally to his slightest touch. Patiently he begins to explore her, noting how and where his tongue produced the greatest response.

Connecting to her mind in ways he had never known were possible, he feels her pleasure as she does. Increasing the speed of his flicking tongue, he hears her silently cry out to him for more. “Faster,” she whispers, “there, there.”

A string of expletives escape her lips as Ren feels the full force of her orgasm course through his body as well. _I guess the Jedi did know what they were talking about,_ he thinks as he struggles to fight off the fog of his own climax. _She didn’t even touch me, and yet somehow I came?_ He is still trying to wrap his mind around what just happened when she pulls his face back towards her own. 

Through half closed eyes, she breathes, “It’s really you, isn’t it?” 

Instinctively the Supreme Leader freezes. Afraid of how she would react if she knew he was invading her dreams, he attempts to stay still and reveal nothing. He had entered her dreams so many times before, always staying in the shadows, careful not to reveal himself. Now, at the first suggestion of a sexual encounter, he had leapt right into it without considering the consequences. 

Imagining how violated she would feel if she knew how he had invaded her private thoughts, he tries to extricate himself from the dream. Panic rising, he feels as though he has crossed a line and doesn’t know how to step back from it. 

“It’s okay, Ben,” she whispers, dreamily as she lifts herself up to look at him. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” 

The way she calls him by that name serves as enough of a shock to push him out of her dream and back into the cold reality of his sparse quarters. Shit, he thinks to himself as he feels the sticky wetness surrounding his now flaccid cock. 

_How did pleasuring her make me cum?_ he asks himself before awkwardly crossing to the bathroom. 

Wanting to erase all trace of his momentary lapse, the Supreme Leader steps out of his clothes and into the shower. Lathering soap over every inch of his body, he tries to wash the memory of her touch, her scent away. However he tries to distract himself from the reality of what just happened, he can’t help wondering what it would be like if her hands were caressing and washing him instead. Picturing a scenario where he might have capitalized on the time when he caught her watching him in the shower, he imagines a new version of events. This time, she would join him in the steamy heat of the confined stall. 

Running his fingers through his own hair, he feels an orgasmic shiver run down his spine as he visualizes her fingers working their way through his wild tresses. Pressing his fingertips into the muscles of his shoulders, he imagines how good her hands would feel massaging him. Only once had he allowed himself to touch her skin and even across the great distance, he could feel the electricity that flowed between them. And now that he had witnessed her dream he wonders, _Is there really a chance that we might experience this new kind of union?_

Allowing the water to pour over his face, he attempts to manage his expectations. _It was just a dream,_ he reminds himself. His master’s teachings come to him. The primitive, unconscious mind was a dangerous place, full of false hope and misleading information. Recalling all the times his dreams deceived him, Ren knows it is better not to give false weight to this recent encounter. 

Lathering up his soap, the Supreme Leader now wishes only to wash off the last remnants of the experience. As he works the suds down from his neck towards his abdomen, his hands graze his nipples. An unexpected bolt of electricity hits him as he pictures Rey gently, but firmly biting down on one of them. By the time his soapy hands reach his navel, his cock has again grown to full size. Opening his eyes, he looks down upon himself in dismay. 

“You’re supposed to be above this,” he says to the pulsing rod of flesh that arrogantly betrayed the desires of his will. Deciding not to give in to his base urges, he unceremoniously rinses the remainder of the soap from his tense and rigid frame. Hurriedly rubbing himself dry with a towel, he forces himself to think of the most disgusting things he can in an attempt to lessen his pulsing desires. Eventually, he calms his internal chaos long enough to fall into a restless sleep. His dreams however, offer no relief as he is once more confronted with visions of her. 

“I think we should give it a try,” the Rey of his dream says, motioning for him to sit beside her on a crumbling pile of ruined stone. 

“Hmm?” he mumbles in reply as his body hopelessly follows her unspoken command. 

“We should at least try some of these, don’t you think,” she asks again with a direct look that pierces his very soul. 

Still he struggles to understand, until he sees the book in her hands. “You want to…” he begins. 

Before he can finish his sentence, she lunges at him, planting her full soft lips forcefully on his own. His shock subsides and he finds himself returning the passion of the kiss. Reaching out, he pulls her closer as she dips the tip of her tongue into his mouth. A warm buzz radiates through his body as he tentatively reaches his own tongue out to meet hers. As each encircles the other, their dance begins. 

Electricity coursing through him, he is beginning to feel as though he could kiss her like this for hours, when she unexpectedly disengages. Sliding her face along his, she brings her lips close to his earlobe. 

Nipping at the soft flesh, she whispers, “What should we try first? Only through a meeting of both flesh and spirit can true balance be achieved.” The warmth of her breath sends pricking goose bumps cascading along his scalp. “I’ve been reading about something called, ‘The Field and Plough,’ which sounds very interesting.” She lingers hovering millimeters away from his ear, her tongue tracing its outer rim. “There is also ‘The Mind Within.’ That sounds promising too.”

“I feel like I’m dreaming,” he breathlessly confesses to Rey as her hands take hold of the hem of his shirt. His heart pounding, he allows her to slide the garment up and over his head. Unable to move, he watches as she begins loosening the straps of her own top. Eyes cast down, he lets out the smallest groan as he finds himself too embarrassed to look at her. Slowly two hands take his own. As she pulls his hands towards her exposed breasts, internal alarms sound. _This is not something I should be doing,_ he silently cries, feeling the heat of her skin against his palms. 

“Look at me,” she tells him. Once more unable to resist her, he obeys. “Good. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” he replies stubbornly. 

“Then kiss me again.” 

Abandoning all his silent struggles, he leans in towards the scavenger girl that had forever altered the course of his life. His lips press desperately against hers as her hands wrap around his massive shoulders. Every path her fingers take as she caresses him feels like it will forever be burned into his throbbing flesh. 

“If I am dreaming,” he asserts between kisses, “I don’t ever want to wake up.” His voice catches in his throat as Rey’s hand reaches down to stroke the growing bulge in his pants. Deftly, she works at the fastenings until at last he feels the electric spark of her hand against the sensitive skin of his pulsing rod. In a smooth, easy movement, she pulls out his length, exposing his impressive size to her. For a moment, he feels self conscious, but as her small hand wraps around his cock, all other thoughts lose meaning. 

His eyes fixed on Rey, he begs for these sensations to be real as she shifts her position. Leaning in to kiss him once more, her tongue invades his mouth as her hand begins to rub up and down his length. Eyes closed, he feels ready to explode when she unexpectedly disengages. Blinking, he looks around, half afraid the dream is over, that she has gone. Instead he finds her on all fours before him as she brings the warmth of her mouth down onto his hardened staff. 

New sensations assault his mind as the Supreme Leader struggles to regain control of himself. Fighting a losing battle, he is soon overwhelmed by the deviant thrill of being pleasured by someone his heart longs for. Again and again, Rey’s hands firmly yet tenderly massage his shaft as her tongue swirls and caresses the tip of his rigid member. Seeming to read his mind, she closes her lips around his cock, creating the slightest suction as she moves her head up and down. 

Trying and failing to focus on anything else, he is surprised when the force of his ejaculation rips him from the dream. Returning to consciousness, he wakes to find himself sticky and alone in his room once more. 

Feeling unmoored from everything he has ever known, he rises from bed. The dream had shaken him in more ways than one, he realizes as he cleans himself. Determined to distract himself from the gnawing desires churning deep within him, he hurriedly dresses before stepping out into the empty corridor.


	12. Chapter 12

Aimlessly pacing the long corridors of his ship, the Supreme Leader feels he has at last come completely unraveled. Not even Snoke, who was an expert manipulator, had ever managed to torment him this much. But through _her_ eyes he had been able to look at all his accomplishments and to finally consider their cost. Remembering the empty adoration of the crowds on Coruscant, he sees now how complete his own misery is. Trapped in his situation, he knows he will never be with her in all the ways his heart longs for. The unbearable desire to be close to her tears at his soul as he searches his mind for solutions to his misery. 

_Anything is preferable to this insatiable longing,_ he thinks as he watches a line of stormtroopers march past. It occurs to him as they stride by that some of the people behind those masks must be female. _They must have desires._ His mind churning, he tries to remember what Snoke had told him. Could his master have been correct? Was he obsessing over this girl only because he didn’t know how many other women would be willing to share his bed. 

_I am the Supreme Leader, after all,_ he thinks to himself. Ignoring the conscience that screams no in his ear, he begins the work of convincing himself this will be a wise decision. _I am only hung up on Rey because I’ve never been with a woman before,_ he thinks, wanting to justify what he is about to do. _If I experience the act of lovemaking with someone else, then Rey will no longer hold any power over me._

Exhilarated by his new decision, he races towards the nearest computer screen. Moving quickly through the personnel files, he compiles a list of possible candidates from among the crew of his ship. Selecting a hopeful from the list, he pleads with himself to ignore how much her compact frame and dark eyes remind him of Rey. Impulsively he opens a communication line with the understandably shocked yeoman. 

“I require your assistance in my personal chambers,” he announces in an emotionless voice. 

“Right away sir,” the female crew member on the other end replies, as he closes the comm line. 

“There, nothing to it,” he tells himself as he traces his steps back towards his room. 

Confident in his decision, he is prematurely celebrating this simple victory. “Why didn’t I think of doing this earlier?” he asks, confident that he could have saved himself so much heartache. Continuing his soliloquy, he rushes to prepare his quarters for his new arrival. “It’s clearly just that my mind and my body are experiencing some sort of disconnect. It’s hardly surprising that they would malfunction after all the strain I’ve been under lately. I’ve been trying too hard to submit my body to my will. But, I think the ancient Jedi were right, I should give in to the desires of the flesh,” he adds. Removing his shirt, he prepares to receive his guest. 

Moments later the pretty yeoman becomes the first woman to cross the threshold into his private sanctuary. 

“I wish to have relations with you. Do you consent?” he asks in a flat, even tone as the door closes behind her. 

“Uh,” she begins. Clearly surprised, she turns a bright shade of crimson.

He finds the flush of her skin arouses him. Feeling a convulsion in his crotch, he steps towards her. 

“Supreme Leader, you don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment,” she sputters as he advances towards her. 

Drawing her into his arms, he leans down to bring his lips to hers. He can hear Snoke laughing in the distance and hates to admit that the old bastard was right; women did want him. He could probably repeat this scenario with every woman in the crew and all would jump at the chance to jump him. 

Feeling powerful, he ranges his hands over the smooth contours of his partner’s body. It’s working, he tells himself as he feels a power surge within. 

“This uniform will have to go,” he growls between kisses. 

Without skipping a beat, the yeoman moves to comply. For the first time in his life, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren finds himself in the presence of a completely nude female. However, his personal lightsaber seems to not have noticed. Though he had hoped this woman would take Rey’s place, looking at her flawless figure he finally admits that just enjoying another’s body wasn’t going to be enough for him.

Hopeless, he realizes he is more lost to Rey than he could have admitted before now. _Enough of this farce,_ he tells himself. _Enough._

“I’m sorry,” he says to the naked woman before him. “This isn’t working. Please dress and remove yourself from my presence.” He forces himself to look at the pain on her face as she realizes this isn’t happening. “I can’t,” he whispers as she searches his face for answers. 

Quickly the woman dresses. Adopting a level of professionalism that somehow comforts him, she moves towards the door. “If you change your mind, you know my number,” she states as she walks away. 

Closing the door to his chambers, the Supreme Leader sinks down against the cold hard tile of his floor. As he sits in silence, the weight of what he almost did presses down on him. _You are such a complete waste of time,_ he tells himself. “You love her. Why not just admit it?” he says aloud. 

Facing the reality of his feelings for the first time, his misery again threatens to overwhelm him. Why did _she_ have to be the one person who affected him this way? 

“You have to go to her,” he announces to himself, steeling his resolve. “You have to go right now and tell her everything: about the book, about the dreams, about how you feel. You have to tell her and hope that she can feel the same way in time.” Rising to his feet, his determination grows. “If I throw myself completely at her mercy, she will see my sincerity. I have to hope that if she feels even the tiniest spark of attraction, it will be enough.”

Concentrating all his energy, Kylo attempts to open a force link with Rey. Through the darkness his mind searches until he feels her familiar neural pathways. Leaning into them, he crosses the divide until he finds himself standing before her once more. He is about to open his mouth to speak, when he feels another presence lurking in the space between them. 

Opening his eyes, he studies Rey. She hasn’t noticed him yet; in fact she isn’t looking at him at all. With all his strength Kylo focuses his energy, straining to see as the form of Poe Dameron softly shimmers into place. The Supreme Leader watches in shock and confusion as Poe leans in to claim Rey’s lips for his own. Unable to look away, half of him is agonizing over how amazing her lips must feel, while the other half of him is imagining the satisfaction of throwing that damned pilot through a wall.

Summoning all the self-control he can muster, the Supreme Leader simply stands there watching while the emotions within threaten to spill over. Kylo looks down at his own clenched fists and fights back a wave of shame. 

_She has made her choice then,_ he tells himself, finally shifting his focus away from her. As she and her chosen companion fade into nothingness, he turns his back on the devastating scene. 

“Foolish boy,” an all too familiar voice booms throughout the room. “I could have told you the moment you brought her to me, that you were nothing to her.” Peals of laughter echo all around. “Like all women, she only served to distract you long enough to take everything from you.”

Kylo glares at Snoke, but does not respond.

“The only thing the Jedi got right was forbidding such foolhardy attachments,” Snoke continues in his condescending tone. “Look at what it’s turned you into, a sniveling shell of a man. Too spineless even to fight off rivals.” Snoke’s laugh continues to resound as his ghost disappears back into the vapors of time. 

Completely at a loss, the Supreme Leader sinks down into a nearby chair. Every muscle in his body aches as he begins to drown in his own distress.

“He’s wrong you know. The Jedi that I knew _were_ misguided when it came to love,” a gravelly voice asserts. “I can see that now.”

“Master Kenobi?” Ren asks, looking up at the ghost of his namesake. His shock turns to anger the longer he stands staring at Obi-Wan’s smugly serene face. “All the times I called on you for advice, for guidance. All the times I begged you to appear and help me, and you choose now? Now?” He laughs, the contempt within him growing. “Now when there is no hope of redemption, you finally come here and you tell me what? That Jedi need girlfriends. Well, the Jedi are dead.” 

Obi-Wan patiently allows Ben to finish his tirade before addressing his allegations. “Yes, the Jedi are dead. Your grandfather was the last one truly trained as a member of that order. But in ancient times there were many orders. I think you have seen for yourself that the old teachings are very different from anything you have been learned from either the Sith or the Jedi.”

Glaring sullenly at Obi-Wan, Kylo holds his tongue. 

“Maybe the old ways should never have been abandoned. Look what they did to your grandfather. He was my greatest mistake.” The master bows his head. “You see, I knew him before he was my padawan. I was too blinded the boy’s unimaginable power, but I had been there from the beginning, I should have seen it.”

“Seen what?” Ren spits, unable to contain himself. “The insurmountable darkness that this family is cursed with?”

“His attachment to Padme. Not just attachment, they were like two parts of the same person. They were so in sync, it was almost eerie to watch them together. When the Jedi told him to let her go, something broke that could never be repaired.”

“So you’re saying that love caused my grandfather to murder the Jedi and become Darth Vader.”

“No, not love. We did. The Jedi did. The Council forced him to make an impossible choice: their power or her love. He wanted them both equally, and believed as many do, that if he gained enough power that his love would not be denied.” Stepping forward, Obi-wan moves to sit at the foot of Kylo’s bed. “I think you have seen that it doesn’t work that way.” 

All Kylo can manage is another blank stare as the rage within him seethes. 

“Anakin’s decision crushed Padme. Yes, he was now unstoppable but the power that he gained turned him into something she did not recognize anymore. When your grandfather accepted Palpatine’s proposal, he killed the person she had loved,” Master Kenobi asserts as he stands once more. Crossing to Ren, he reaches out to touch his namesake’s shoulder. “Ben, don’t make the same mistake. Don’t let anything stand in the way of your connection with your other half. She will bring you the balance and the peace that you need.”

“You’re mistaken old man,” Kylo barks. “Rey doesn’t love me. And good for her, because she is better off without me.”

“You’re not even trying,” Obi-Wan replies with a sigh. “Whatever you tell yourself, she is your match. That makes her the only thing worth fighting for.” After a long silence, waiting for a response that never comes, Obi-Wan continues. “Admit that the position you have feels empty without her by your side. You already know she will complete you.”

Unwilling to let the old fool see how much his words had affected him, Ren turns his back on the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi. “What a bunch of hokey nonsense,” he mutters under his breath. Trying to convince himself, he adds, “I don’t need completing. Look around, I have everything I need.” 

“So be it,” echoes Master Kenobi as he evaporates into thin air once more. 

_Insufferable presumption._ The Supreme Leader paces his room, agitated beyond belief by the words of the Jedi master. What could Obi-wan possibly know about the tumult in his soul? Even if Rey was somehow his soul’s mate, what he had just witnessed between her and Poe only reaffirmed his belief that the kind of future he envisions for them could never be. He could renounce everything for her, but she would still probably choose the flyboy over him. Replaying the moment the pilot’s lips made contact with Rey’s over and over, he readies himself for bed. That night he tosses and turns, her lips ever present in his thoughts as he drifts off into a restless sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

“That was… uh… unexpected,” Rey announces, pulling back slightly from the lips of Poe Dameron.

“Unexpected? Or unwelcome?” he asks smiling, his fingers running slowly through his inky black hair as he fixes her with a dreamy gaze.

The look on his face flatters her. _Is this his first time kissing someone where he doesn’t know if they want to kiss him back?_ Even as she considers what it would feel like to press against those lips again, Ben’s warning sounds in her head. _Did Poe really have a girl in every spaceport?_ He had certainly lived up to his reputation as a charmer, but hadn’t he also been so sincere whenever they spoke together. _Maybe it’s more than just a hookup he’s looking for,_ she thinks, pleased that her first kiss came from this undeniably desirable man.

“No, not unwelcome,” she finally admits aloud. 

The suave pilot steps forward to kiss her for a second time, but she ducks under his arm, twirling away before he can embrace her again. 

“Uh, I’m sorry,” Rey stammers as she turns to face Poe once more. “I don’t know how to do this. Any of this,” she adds, gesturing around herself. “And I just don’t want things to go too fast.” Taking a few steps back, she seeks to put some distance between herself and the devastatingly handsome Poe. 

“Oh sure, yeah no problem,” Poe shouts after her as she disappears quickly down the steep hill.

 _Shit, shit, shit! What was that?_ she asks herself as she continues the steep descent down towards the beach. _Did I let Poe Dameron actually kiss me? Did I actually kiss him back?_ Half way down she finally hits the heart of the matter. _Did I want to kiss him again?_

All these questions swim in her head as a sudden picture of Ben’s face assaults her. Stopping short mid-step, she slips on the wet grass and begins sliding the remainder of the way down towards the rocky beach. At the bottom, the pain in her legs echoes the pain in her heart. _That face._ It was undoubtedly Ben’s face she had seen, twisted by sorrow, as it had been on Crait. However similar this new image was, she knows it was not the same. Trying to place the memory, it occurs to her that this was the look he just now had given her when he saw her kissing Poe. 

_Oh, God. He was there._ She sinks to her knees under the weight of her realization. Of all the times Ben could come to see her, why did he choose that moment? He never visited her that early in the day. 

Staring out over the rolling sea, she can finally admit to herself that Ben had been there to witness her momentary lapse. Though she did not know it at the time, she had felt his presence just as Dameron had swept her into his arms. _The spark? The attraction?_ she wonders, _did that come from Poe or Ben?_

_But why did Ben look so upset?_ she asks herself. From the very beginning he had seemed to delight in showing her how little she meant to him. Why would he be so affected by one little kiss? Surely Supreme Leader Kylo Ren wasn’t in love with her anymore than she was in love with him.

“Would it be so terrible to admit that I do love him?” she asks the waves. Pondering the depth of the sea that stretched out for miles ahead, she begins to sense that her feelings for Ben are just as unfathomable as the great ocean before her. 

Sitting there, feeling the wind whip against her face, she thinks how familiar the cold wetness of Ahch-To has become. There were times recently when she didn’t even see it anymore; the green, the sea, it was all just part of her life now. When she had first come here, after being suddenly uprooted from Jakku, she could only think of how different the two places were. Now she can see the similarities; she is just as alone here as she was there. Sure, she had friends like Finn, and a mentor in Leia, but there was no one here who truly understood her. 

Removing her heavy boots, Rey sighs, thinking of how strange it was that the only person who she felt like she could talk to was the one person who had caused this upheaval in her life. If Ben hadn’t pursued Poe Dameron to Jakku, she would have never gotten involved in any of this craziness. Wading slowly into the icy water, she thinks of how different her life would be if she were still scavenging rusty parts out of the sands of her homeworld. Fate, however, did not allow her to remain isolated. It had brought her here, to this place where she would probably die just as alone as if she had never left Jakku. 

The icy cold of the water wakes Rey from her melancholy trance. Bringing her fingertips to her lips, she remembers with both excitement and sorrow how Poe’s lips had felt. _Poe is the sensible choice,_ she tries to tell herself. _Better someone who is both close by and interested, than someone who is distant in more ways than one._

However much she tries to convince herself that she should cut Ben out of her heart, she cannot. Growing frustrated with him for just barging in on her and Poe like he did, she resolves to confront him at the temple this afternoon and explain how little that kiss meant to her. Turning her back on the traitorous sea, she picks up her boots. Barefoot, she stalks up the long, winding path before her, stopping only at the entrance of the temple. 

A bitter wind whips at her, urging her forward as she moves into the shelter of the crumbling building. Spurred on by her anxious desire to see Ben again, she had rushed up the steep cliffside, and now the level of her exertion was catching up with her. Slowly, calming her breath, she closes her eyes trying to picture the first time she had seen Ben Solo here. He had been haughty, condescending, always so convinced he was right, and that he knew more than her. He probably did, but she could never let him have the satisfaction of the victory, and so always matched him insult for insult. Looking back on her behavior, she feels a deep pang of regret. 

Hugging her arms around herself, she waits for Ben to appear for the reading sessions that had become the highlight of her day. Breathing a sigh, she becomes conscious of how she had once again been taking their connection for granted. 

Hours pass. The suns dip low in the sky as she sits in the darkening temple, waiting for someone who clearly was not coming. 

“Fine. You won’t come to me, then I will come for you,” she whispers, focusing all her energy on reaching out to Ben. 

“What do you want now?” The sharp edge to his voice cuts deep, his anger laid bare. “I’m not interested in wasting my time with some nobody from nowhere. I think you’ve gotten everything you needed from me anyways.” As suddenly as Ben Solo had been before her, he flickers away again. 

“Wait, Ben. Please,” she calls out, her voice reverberating off the stones around her. Dropping her arms to her sides, she slumps forward. After wallowing in the silence for a long while, she slowly summons the strength to stand.

Picking her way down the steep path, Rey makes her way back to camp.

“Rey, come join us,” Finn calls to her as she breezes past her friend sitting with Rose by the campfire. 

“Another time,” she calls over her shoulder as she continues walking. “Sorry.”

If she could have slammed the flap of her tent, she would have. What right did Ben have to say those things to her? How could he accuse her of using him like that? She didn’t need him, she didn’t need anyone. _Horrible man._ Agitated, she stalks the confined space of her hut, using all her strength not to pick up her few belongings and smash them on the floor. 

Letting loose a whispered scream, she clenches her jaw. “I hate you Kylo Ren!”

“Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong,” a voice whispers in her ear. 

Snapping out of her rage, Rey becomes completely still as she strains to hear Luke Skywalker’s voice again. 

“I was wrong about my nephew, and about you,” Luke asserts, his ghost stepping towards her. “Things are clearer now. He needs you to try again.”

“What?” a puzzled Rey asks the glowing figure of the Jedi Master. 

“Try. Again,” he insists as he shimmers back into the ether.

Astonished by Luke’s words, she tries to wrap her head around the idea that Ben Solo needed her. Curious and slightly aroused by the prospect, she slows her breathing, focusing on her target once more. “Ben, Ben, Ben,” she chants rhythmically to herself. The closer she gets to him, the more she can feel him pushing back against her. Near the edge of despair, she feels as though she will never get through, when she finally sees the faint outline of his shape lying on her bed. 

“You have all you needed from me. There is nothing more I wish to say to you,” he pronounces through clenched teeth as he rolls over, turning his back on her. 

Without hesitation this time, she reaches out to touch his shoulder. 

The power he unleashes as he pushes blindly back against her, throws her backwards into the wall. Hitting her head with a sickening crack, she is knocked senseless by the violence of his reaction to her touch. When she comes to she again hears Master Skywalker’s voice whispering, “Again.” 

“You have got to be kidding me,” Rey exclaims to the empty hut as she stands, brushing the dirt from her clothes. 

“Is now a bad time?” she hears Poe’s voice call from outside her flap. 

“Perfect. This is just what I need right now,” Rey whispers sarcastically under her breath as she moves towards the door. 

“Oh, hey Poe. Sorry,” she adds, lifting her flap. Looking up into the face of a real, living, breathing, generous, and kind person, she wishes she could erase all memories of Ben Solo from her life. 

“I’m not sure what is wrong with me today,” she admits to the pilot. “I’m a complete disaster. First I slid down this enormous hill, then I tripped over that rug and crashed into the wall over there.” 

“Are you okay?” Poe replies, his fingers pushing a stray lock of hair back into place behind her ear. Leaning forward into her room, his eyes widen as he sees the disarray.

“I will be. I think I just need to have an early night,” she replies, stepping in front of him. Blocking the door with her body, she pushes the pilot back into the inky night. 

“Alright. Goodnight then,” he adds, softly placing a gentle kiss on her lips once more. “Call me if you need anything. I’m right next door.”

“I know,” she replies, a little starry eyed in spite of herself. “I will.”

“Goodnight,” he repeats as he kisses her again. 

Slightly unsettled by the way the second kiss lingered, she steps back into her room, letting the flap of her hut fall in front of the attractive pilot’s face.

Shit, shit, shit, she thinks to herself, turning to survey everything that had scattered to the floor when she fell. 

Stooping to recover the fallen items, she curses herself for not being more assertive when it came to the pilot. She liked him, but nothing more. She was flattered that he liked her too, and she had allowed that fact to excite her. In her inexperience, she had kissed him back. Too late she now sees how she is in danger of leading him on when her heart can never totally be his. If she is being honest with herself, despite the incongruity of the match, Rey knows who her one true love is.

For the first time in months, she can feel her anxiety creep back in. Without Ben’s companionship she would be alone again. _What if he never forgives me? What if he never comes back?_ Her body begins to tremble as she remembers those first months back on Ahch-To where she could not establish a connection. She knew she had hurt him when she refused his offer to rule by his side. He had punished her with a long silence for it. _He must have seen my kissing Poe as another rejection,_ she realizes, flopping down on her bed. The nagging belief that she has caused Ben to feel alienated, unwanted, and alone, slices her heart open. 

Yes, she had tried to kill him, but that was before she knew him. That was before they had formed their connection, their bond. Since their first meeting she had grown increasingly attached to him. When he opened himself up to her, she found she liked him, and hoped he liked her too. She had even gone to him because of her belief in him and his redemption. It had broken her heart to leave him on Crait, but she knew he wouldn’t come with her any more than she would go with him. Looking back on it, those months afterwards where she wasn’t able to contact him were the worst of her life. She was scared he had been killed, or worse, was being slowly tortured somewhere by that sadist Hux. 

She hadn’t realized until now how happy she was that day when he came back. Even then, she took his daily visits for granted. It never occurred to her that there would be times when she couldn’t turn to him. Her cheeks flush as she remembers the time she had managed to initiate their connection on her own. The sight of Ben’s chiseled physique in the shower had triggered something deep within that had only grown when he stayed up all night with her, patiently listening to her tale of woe. 

Pushing herself up, she knows she cannot let Ben go. It may be easier to let him push her away, but she loves him too much to allow that. Laughing to herself, she thinks about how her unconscious mind knew how deep her feelings were before she did. Night after night, in dream after dream she had been with him in countless ways. Whether she was sitting on his face, grinding herself against his chiseled abdomen, or fucking him with wild abandon, she had always explained them away. They were just dreams, she had told herself. Now, seeing how hurt he was by her betrayal, she begins to realize for the first time that her feelings might be reciprocated. Unwilling to let go of the one person that matters to her, she steels her nerves, determined to break through to her dark, tormented prince.


	14. Chapter 14

Dawn approaches, finding Rey sitting cross-legged on her bed, tired but determined to finish what she has begun. Breathing deep, she digs down into the energy reserves she knows lie waiting for her just beneath the ground. Eyes closed, she focuses her strength, asking the island for the power to complete her quest. When her eyes finally open, it is Ben’s face she sees. 

“I’m so sorry about earlier,” she begins, grateful that he is not shutting her out anymore. However strong it had been, the urge to throw her arms around him subsides as he brushes right past her. 

“Ben, wait,” she calls after him. No matter how loudly she calls his name, he keeps walking. Chasing him over a steep hill she begs him to understand that she didn’t mean to let Poe kiss her like that. “I don’t have any feelings for him,” she insists. Growing desperate, she searches for the words that will make him acknowledge her. “You are the only one I want,” she says to the back of his head. 

Still, he will not turn around to look at her. 

Her hurt and her anger getting the better of her, she spins around, ready to storm off. Only then does she realize she is not in her hut anymore. Seeing that she is not on Ben’s ship either, she grows more and more confused by this new form of hallucination. 

Curiosity drives her to approach him once more. Stepping in front of him, she waves her hand in front of his eyes. No reaction. _He isn’t even looking at me; it’s like I’m not even here,_ she thinks. Studying his face, she watches his pursed lips break into a completely goofy grin. Though she cannot help but catch the infectious joy of his smile, her heart breaks, wishing that she could have been the one to make him smile like that. His lips begin to move and as she struggles to understand his muffled words, she realizes someone else must be there. Turning, she follows the line of his gaze. There approaching them, is some other version of herself.

Whipping back and forth between Ben and her new doppelganger she struggles to comprehend what she is seeing. There she was, and yet she was not there; she was here. As if to confuse matters further, this twin was dressed completely ridiculously in a long white shift dress, her long hair flowing all around her face, being caught by the wind. Impractical. _Completely impractical,_ she tells herself. 

Brushing her own hair from her eyes, Rey fights to understand what she is seeing. _This can’t be a dream,_ she reassures herself. _At least… it isn’t my dream. I know I am awake._ Sensing the rapturous energy flowing between the two figures before her she wonders, _what is this place? How can I be here and yet not here?_

She continues to try making sense of this vision as she watches Ben step forward to wrap her other self in a warm embrace. Her eyes widen as the scene slowly unfolds before her. There, in the tall grass beside a crystal blue lake, Ben Solo lays out a picnic blanket. Of all the things she has ever seen him do, this is the most unbelievable. Watching she and Ben sharing a meal in this incongruous setting Rey stifles the urge to laugh at the impossibility of it all. 

Craning her neck, she tries from her vantage point to hear what is being said as the pair reclines next to each other on the wide blanket. No matter how close she gets however, she cannot understand what they are saying to each other as they laugh, talk and eat beneath the shade of the large tree. In her desperation to be privy to their conversation, she lurches forward, stumbling over a hidden root before tumbling into her double. 

“Oh, sorry,” she instinctively blurts out, embarrassed that she fell.

“For what?” asks Ben’s now perfectly velvety voice. 

Looking all around herself, she struggles to understand how she had heard him so clearly just then. Noticing that her double is no longer there, she becomes even more confused. 

“You don’t ever have to tell me you’re sorry,” Ben continues as he lifts her face with his fingertips.

Looking into his eyes in this close proximity melts her heart, causing her to forget all about the strangeness of the encounter. Close enough to feel his warm breath against her skin, she wants to tell him, she needs to tell him, how remorseful she feels. 

Literally everything she had ever said to him was a mistake. Knowing that she needs to apologize for all the horrible names she has ever called him, she tries to focus her mind while thoughts of his soft lips threaten to keep her distracted.

Before she summons the courage to speak, the full and pouty lips of her former enemy press against her own. All other thoughts lose their significance as she leans into his kiss. Though she knows this can’t be real, her conscious mind overrides her better sense deciding to enjoy this moment however brief or imaginary. 

_If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up,_ she thinks as Ben’s hands firmly hold either side of her face. His kisses are so much softer and more tender than she had expected. Each of his caresses, though passionate, lacked all the urgency that she usually imagined him to have. Whenever she had fantasized about him, he was always so strong, so dominant, so quick to claim her. _But this isn’t your dream,_ she reminds herself. Then it occurs to her, _It must be his._

Slightly shook, she wonders to what extent she can direct the body she now inhabits. Was she just along for the ride, or could she actually influence his dream? Wanting to test the limits of her power, she pulls herself back, disengaging her lips from his.

With satisfaction, she sees that she had indeed been able to move herself away from him while still occupying her double’s position in space. Looking down at herself, she turns over her hand, running it over the softness of the white dress as it caressed her skin. Curious about the level of control she could exert over this body, she lunges forward at the object of her building desires. Toppling him to the ground, she presses herself into him, grinding her hips against his. 

It occurs to her that this might not be what his mind had envisioned for this dream, but as she begins to imagine the potential bliss in store, she simply doesn’t care. Surely, some part of Ben wanted her enough to bring her here, to arrange this scene, to kiss her. If a part of him truly desired her, then she was prepared to give him exactly what he wanted and then some. Crushing herself against him, she parts his lips with her tongue, demanding entrance. He complies, opening for her as she had hoped he would. As their tongues dance she can feel certain parts of his anatomy respond. Smiling to herself, she bites his lower lip, as she slowly draws herself back again. 

Experiencing some of his emotions, she knows that her actions have been driving him completely wild. Looking down at his face, she sees something change in his eyes. The sweet and tender side of Ben Solo, that she had just seen, is quickly replaced by the type of fire she was more accustomed to seeing in Kylo Ren. Terrified for an instant that he has discovered her intrusion, she pulls back, ready to defend herself. However, his actions are too quick for her. 

Before she knows it, he flips her onto her back, taking the favorable position for himself. His eyes burn into hers, their intensity sending a rush of electricity to her already dripping wetness. She is about to apologize for having been so forward when he presses himself down on top of her, stopping her lips with another toe-curlingly amazing kiss. 

Unwilling to let him win so easily, Rey wriggles out from under her dream lover. Rolling off the blanket, she rises to her feet. 

_Please,_ he begs. 

She can hear his unvoiced thoughts, as clearly as her own, as she towers over his prone form. From deep within his soul, she feels the ache that her absence has left him with. Tortured and excited by the longing it created in her body as well, she presses one foot onto Ben’s chest. 

“I have the power here,” she says, wanting to prolong the exquisite sensations of having the upper hand.

“Always,” Ben breathes. “Just please, kiss me again,” he begs, lifting his torso off the ground. 

Stopping his momentum, Rey’s foot pushes him back down onto the blanket. Stepping to one side she straddles his hips as she issues her next command. 

“Lose the shirt,” she commands in what she hopes is an authoritative voice. “I want to look at you.” 

This time she allows him to sit up just long enough to remove his long tunic. As he throws the garment aside, he again tries to exert his own power. Reaching up, he grabs a hold of her ass, trying to pull her down. 

Anticipating his movements, Rey takes a step back, denying him the leverage needed to draw her in. 

“If you want this, you have to prove to me you’re worthy,” she adds, pleasantly surprised at how easily she could make him obey her every desire. Reaching towards his thoughts with her own, she can sense the vulnerability within him, the intense need to feel his flesh pressing against her own. She now knows that he is perfectly willing to give himself over to her as she towers over his bulging pectorals and rippling abdomen.

Momentarily distracted by the sight of his perfect body she briefly considers giving into him, just to be held by those arms. However, fearing this dream may end at any time, she knows she must seize this chance to have Ben Solo satisfy her deepest fantasies. 

Shifting her weight back and forth, Rey deliberately gives him a view up the long skirt of her dress. Gathering the material up, she reaches down to shimmy out of the lacy panties clinging to her throbbing pussy. Sliding them down, she frees herself from their constriction before casually dropping them onto Ben’s face. 

Bringing his hand to his face, he gathers up the lacy cloth. Breathing deep, he inhales the aroma she left behind before attempting once more to move to a seated position. 

This time Rey allows Ben to rise off his back as she shrouds his face with the material of her dress. The kisses he places along her thighs as his hands desperately grasp at her threaten to overwhelm her senses. Steadying her breathing, she readies herself for the thing she already knows Ben is about to do. Wishing she could watch Ben as he pleasures her, Rey is astonished when the dress she was wearing disappears. 

_Did I make that happen or did he?_ Rey wonders as she feels Ben’s pulse pick up. Looking past her bare breasts, she sees Ben crouched on his knees before her, drinking her in.

Running his hands up her thighs, he brings his mouth close to her pulsing slit. Just before he reaches out with his tongue to touch her, their eyes meet. 

“Can I please lick your sweet pussy Mistress Rey,” he asks, desperate for her answer to be yes. 

Overcome with anticipation Rey simply nods at him, benevolently signaling that he may proceed. 

_Like this?_ she can hear him ask her as his tongue carefully parts her folds. 

_Yes, _is her wordless reply as she reaches down to grab fistfuls of his inky black hair. “Yes,” she repeats aloud as she presses him against her crotch.__

__As Rey experiences wave after wave of unimaginable pleasure, it occurs to her that Ben Solo is toying with her. Each time he would bring her right up to the edge of climax before changing his pacing and technique, delaying her release. She is beginning to wonder who really is in charge here when the sudden addition of Ben’s two fingers into her hot core drive all other thoughts away._ _

__Loving the feeling of Ben’s fingers inside her, she begins to slowly buck against them as he continues to pleasure her clit with his tongue. The sensations inside her take her completely by surprise. Though she had attempted fingering herself before, she found it hadn’t done much to increase the pleasure brought by simply rubbing her clit. Clearly the long, strong fingers of Ben Solo were far better equipped to reach parts of her that she never could._ _

__As he brings her near the precipice once more, Rey begs him not to stop this time. Sensing Ben’s satisfaction as he pushes her over the edge multiplies the pleasure she feels until she loses all knowledge of where she ends and he begins._ _

__Her body begins to convulse as the force of the orgasm rips through her._ _

__“Rey, Rey!” Shifting her focus, she hears a voice calling to her from somewhere outside this experience. At first she tries to ignore it, but then she can feel herself being forcefully shaken. Slowly coming out of the dream she sees the outline of Finn’s face._ _

__“Rey,” her friend continues, shaking her urgently. “We need you. The First Order is here. They just jumped into orbit and are prepping their cannons. We have to get out of here… fast.”_ _

__“No,” she replies confused, struggling to accept this new reality. “They can’t be here.”_ _

__“They are. Come on. Poe is already loading everyone onto the Falcon.”_ _

__Looking up at Finn’s frightened face, Rey knows there is no point in running. There is no fuel left on the Falcon. If the First Order has come to wipe them out at last, there would be no point in resisting._ _

__“I’m right behind you,” Rey lies easily. “Make sure everyone else is on board. I have to get the sacred texts.”_ _

__“Forget the sacred texts,” Finn insists as he grabs her arm, trying to get her off the bed. “There is no time.”_ _

__“Go. I promise I am right behind you.” Giving her friend a mental push, he finally agrees to leave._ _

__“Fine. You better be quick,” Finn calls over his shoulder as he exits the hut._ _

__Her mind races as Rey struggles to comprehend what is happening. Reaching out, she sees there is indeed a large imperial class vessel in low orbit around the planet. Growing confused she tries to contact Ben. After the experience she just had shared with him, he couldn’t seriously be blowing up her planet right now._ _

___He can’t be behind this, but maybe he can help stop it, _she tells herself as she begins to climb towards the Jedi temple.__ _ _

____Positioning herself over the great mosaic floor, she reaches out for his familiar presence. Aided by the well of energy beneath the temple, she presses in past his defenses. “Ben. Ben, please,” she calls again._ _ _ _


	15. Chapter 15

“Please Ben, wake up,” urges a voice from within as the Supreme Leader’s dream fades to nothingness. Reluctantly opening his eyes, he looks down to see the tent he’s pitched under his blankets. Marveling at how real the dream had seemed, he wishes only for it to return as he reaches up to wipe something off his chin. Examining the slippery substance that somehow also coats two of his fingers, his first instinct is to examine the ceiling for a leak. Gazing above him, the ceiling looks sound. 

Bringing his fingers to his nose he inhales the ambrosial aroma. Slowly he swirls his tongue around his mouth, noting the taste of something distinctly sweet lingering there. Examining his fingers, he remembers how he had felt the rain on his face that time they had bonded on Ahch-To. But never before had one of his dreams resulted in this kind of physical consequence. _Was she truly there? Could this be her I taste?_ he asks himself, his cock twitching at the possibility. 

Rolling to one side, he tries to put the memory of lapping at her sweet pussy aside. No matter how he struggles, he cannot shake the dream and its consequences. _I wasn’t just dreaming,_ he comes to realize. _She was there. We were bonded._

Shame and regret wash over him as all the blood drains from his throbbing cock. _She can’t have wanted me to violate her like that,_ he thinks. Burying his hands in his face, internal alarms blare. _What if she was asleep too and I did what I did without her consent? That must be why she was calling to me, to tell me off._ Afraid that he will not be able to survive Rey’s anger, he strengthens the shield around himself, blocking her out once again. 

As his pulse gradually slows, he comes to accept that this fear must be faced. She may be angry, but she had to know the truth. Strengthening his resolve, he knows he needs to tell her both everything he had done and the feelings that had driven his actions. _Rey must know that she is my single focus, not just in these dreams._ Even in his waking life he longed to have her near. Never before has he had the strength to admit the desires of his heart, but feeling Rey’s presence now as she reaches for him gives him newfound courage. 

“Even if she despises me. Even if she chooses Dameron over me, I will at last have peace. I will have confessed,” he sighs as he allows his defenses to drop. 

“Ben. Ben, Please. Can’t you hear me? It’s Rey. What are you doing? Why are you attacking us?” 

“Rey? What are you doing here?” He bolts out of bed, surprised by her words and the terror in her voice. “What do you mean attacking?” he demands. In danger of being overcome by the power flowing through her, he tries to steady himself. 

“Your ship just dropped into orbit. You’re prepping the canons.” 

“No, it didn’t. No, I’m not,” he replies, hurrying towards the nearest view screen. However, as he stares at the ship’s coordinates on the map, he realizes she is right. 

“Hux!” he curses. “That snake. He will pay for this,” Ben vows, his every muscle tightening in anticipation. “But how did he even know your location? I kept your plan to return to Ahch-To secret.” A knife twists in his heart as Ben remembers boasting to Snoke how the First Order could never touch Rey now. _Of course that murderous beast would have appeared to Hux._ Ben fumes, knowing all to well that Hux would have leapt at the chance to destroy the one thing left that his rival cared for. 

Determined not to let Snoke have this kind of power over his life again, he scrutinizes the figures displayed on his console. Looking at the percentages, Ben calculates how long until the ventral canon would be ready to fire. Cursing his own self-centered blindness, he turns back to Rey.

“Rey, you have to get as far away from here as you can. Now,” he commands her. Watching her eyes, he hates himself for using such a harsh tone. 

“Can’t you stop it,” she begs. 

“No. I can’t believe you still here!” he blurts out, his own fear getting the better of him “Go. Run.”

“I can’t,” Rey sighs as her shoulders slump forward in resignation. “There is nowhere to go.” The truth of her words hit him hard as he looks down at her prone form. “We used the last of the fuel getting here. This is it.” Rey lifts her face, smiling weakly up at him. “This is goodbye.” 

“Don’t say that,” Ben replies as he brings his fists down against the console. The image on the screen momentarily flickers, giving him a flash of inspiration. 

“I know what to do,” he says struggling to contain his anger as he sweeps his hair from his face. Turning back towards her, he sees the beginnings of a tear struggling against her lashes. 

Softening his approach, he crosses to her, taking her two small hands in his. “I am going to use my power to short circuit the ship’s systems. If I harness all the energy around me, it will create a powerful pulse wave that will shut down all the electronics onboard. They won’t be able to finish the firing sequence. Targeting and navigation will no longer function. All control will be lost to them.”

Unable to meet her eyes, he stares down at her hands, trying to commit the feeling of holding them to memory. He senses Rey is about to pull back from him a fraction of a second before she does. 

“Doesn’t that mean you’ll also lose life support?” she asks, taking a step back. When he again refuses to meet her eyes, she pounds her fists against his chest to get his attention. “You can’t. You can’t do that. A pulse like that? The ship would lose all power, even the emergency backups.”

Finally looking at her, he reaches out, and wipes the tears from her cheek before crushing her small body against his in a final embrace. “It will be a small price to pay to if it means you survive.” He wants to tell her to be happy, to live her life, to forget him, but the words stick in his throat as he feels her trembling against him. 

“Can’t you contain the pulse? Direct it away from the other systems, focus just on the weapons?” 

“Maybe if I had more time, or others to help me…” he begins. As he speaks, Rey pushes away from him. The same determined, foolishly overconfident woman he fell in love with stares up at him. 

“Let me help you. Tell me what to do,” Rey demands. 

“There’s no time. You would have to be here, we would have to link our minds.” 

“You and I both know we don’t have to be in the same room to become one. We’re linked even as we speak.” Pulling her shoulders back, she fixes her eyes on his. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

“Fine,” he says resigned. “I don’t have time to argue. And I see the futility of trying to convince you that it won’t work.” 

Swallowing hard, he knows was the only way he could save her, and though he doesn’t believe she will be able to contain the pulse, he will let her try. All that mattered was for him to remove the immediate threat, even if it meant his death.

Remembering the techniques he has been taught, he reluctantly begins to tell Rey what to do. “First, we need to link our breathing. Come closer, and sit here facing me,” he says indicating a spot before him. Positioning himself, he thinks of how small she normally seemed to him, but now he sees how wrong he had been to judge her by her size. She was powerful. Perhaps she would be powerful enough to help him do what needed to be done.

“Look into my eyes,” he commands, and she complies with an immediacy that startles him. This time there was no stubbornness. “Now you need to use my eyes, look through them into my mind to see the ship as I begin to move through it. I will show you the area where you need to contain the energy pulse to. Do you understand?” 

In his mind he hears her acknowledge him, giving him confidence that their link is indeed strong. 

Feeling her heart beating in time with his own, he remembers all the times they had bonded before and what an unforgivable jerk he usually was. Facing certain death, his heart shatters, wishing he had devoted more of his time to getting to know the incredible person before him. He had lusted after her power, wanted her body, felt her heart. Now, in the final moments of his life he bitterly regrets that he never seized the chance to experience her love. 

“I am going to start drawing all the power that I can from the energy all around me,” he silently tells her. “You do the same. Draw from the island, the grass, the animals. Everything that you can reach out to touch with your mind. Harness that.”

“It’s too much!” she replies, crying out. 

“Focus. Focus on the sound of my voice. I will be your anchor. You will not lose yourself. When you feel you are about to be overwhelmed, return to the sound of my voice and this pulsing of my heart. Do you feel it? This heart beats for you.” 

Imagining that the final moments of his life are upon him, he decides to forgive himself for all of it. All of the weight he carried. All the conflict and torment, all the death and destruction he had forced upon others. Looking into her eyes, he forces himself to make peace with it all, to forgive himself, thus allowing himself to love her as perfectly as she deserved to be loved. 

“I feel it,” she replies. “Your heart, beating in time with my own.” 

In tandem they slowly breathe out, staring deep into each other’s eyes. 

“I love you,” he whispers as he feels the building energy within him reaching critical levels. 

“I love you,” she replies, and with those few words he gains the missing strength to accomplish his task. 

With one final slow exhalation, he pushes the energy outward with all his might through his fingertips and into the floor of his room. Taking the path of least resistance, the energy flows down the ship walls until reaching its target. At the moment of convergence, everything bursts forth in a ball of blinding white light. Every sound, every sight, every sensation, vibrates at an unbearable frequency for a fraction of a second before it all condenses to the darkest black. 

. . .

When the Supreme Leader comes to, he is tucked securely into his bed. A heaviness hangs over his body as he attempts to push himself upright. Straining to remember how he got here, his vision begins to clear.

“Rey?” he whispers, looking up at the face of the woman who he could not help but love despite himself. He struggles once again to lift himself up, but cannot. 

“There you are.” she whispers as she places a tender kiss on his forehead. “Don’t try to move. You’ve been in a coma for months now. It will take time to recover your strength.”

“Coma?” The word feels so foreign as he repeats it. 

“No one else believed that you would ever wake up. But I knew you would come back to me,” she adds with a smile, taking his hand and pressing it to her face. 

“So you’re actually here?” Rolling his head to one side, he looks around, recognizing his quarters. Trying to determine if this were somehow still a dream, he asks, “How are you on my ship?”

“Well, it’s my ship now,” she teases. “I’ve been pretending to be you over interlink. I think I’ve really captured your sullen angsty thing. No one in the First Order suspects what really happened here.”

“What about Hux? The others? How did you seize control? How long was I out?” Growing agitated, he pushes himself up, only to be met by Rey’s soft hand pressing his chest back down towards the mattress. 

“Shh,” she whispers, smoothing his hair, “It’s been months. After your pulse wave, the others came to less than twenty-four hours later. We secured the officers, including Hux in the Brig. But there were too many others to lock up so we gave them the chance to join us. Most did. Finn can be very persuasive.”

Holding her hand against his chest like a lifeline, he finds himself impressed once again by the woman before him. “So you’ve been running my ship for the last few weeks. And what? Waiting for me to wake up?”

“Yep.”

“I can’t believe we did it,” he replies still feeling hazy.

“It was indescribable, the experience of being so interconnected with another person,” she begins, her smile widening. “I could instinctively feel everything you were about to do before you even did it. When you were ready to push forward, I knew and was able to provide a counter balance. You created the explosion and I created the field that contained it. It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“You almost make me wish I could remember it.”

“You don’t?” 

“No, not at all.” 

“What is the last thing you do remember?”

“I remember I was dreaming… sleeping I mean,” he hedges. “Then I heard your voice. You told me to wake up. The rest is completely fuzzy.” 

“The dream where I was in that white dress?” she asks coyly.

“Yes,” he answers grinning. His voice falters as it suddenly occurs to him that his secret is out. “Wait. How would you know that?”

“I was there. I was trying to get you to talk to me after you saw me with Poe and kept pushing me away. I was meditating when somehow I entered your dream.” 

“So that really was you?”

“It really was me.” 

“You kissed me so…”

“Passionately?" she asks guessing at his next word. “And I’m about to do it again.” She looks down at him and smiles as she brings herself closer. Just before she presses her lips to his, she looks deep into his eyes. The anticipation building, he curses himself for being too weak and foolish to have kissed her before this moment. 

Summoning all the strength he has, he pushes himself up towards her. Their lips meet and the myriad sensations reassure him that with Rey he will find the peace he has always sought. 

Rey pulls back. Licking her lips, she smiles down at him. “Do you remember telling me you love me?”

“I don’t,” he admits. Watching her face, his heart breaks to see her smile fade. “But I will tell you right now that I do. That I always have.” Growing nervous, he begins to let loose the flood of words he has held onto for too long. “Since the first time I saw you, I was drawn to your presence and not just your power. You intrigued me. You fought me. You made me want to be better so I could be worthy of you. I’m so ashamed…” 

“You needn’t be,” she replies stopping his mouth with another tender kiss. “I said that I love you too,” she whispers in his ear, sending soft tendrils of energy running through his body. 

Feeling dizzy, Ben Solo closes his eyes. Struggling to process everything Rey has just told him, a part of him refuses to believe everything has worked out so well. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asks. “I can go.”

“No. Stay. Here, help me sit up.” 

Teasing, she replies, “I can’t believe the Supreme Leader of the galaxy is asking for my help.” 

“I asked you to join me once. I seem to remember you refused.” 

“I did.” 

“And now?” 

“Let’s just see,” is her only response as she gently lifts him to a seated position. 

Becoming aware of the many aches inside him, he coughs to clear his throat. “I need food. And a long hot bath,” he tells her with a laugh as they sit side by side. 

“I just gave you your bath. But I suppose I could help you with another one.”

“My what?” he asks, stunned by the idea of Rey being privy to his every inch.

“It was just a sponge bath, but I enjoyed it,” she adds, interrupting his thoughts. “Anyways, I’ve already ordered you something to eat.” 

“How do you know what I want?”

“I read your thoughts. You’re not exactly guarding them right now.”

Shit, he thinks. What else had she heard during the months he was not himself.

“Don’t worry, you don’t talk in your sleep,” Rey assures him, replying to his unvoiced concern. 

“That’s a relief.” 

“I really wish you had told me how you felt though before I had to deal with the trauma of almost losing you.” 

He is ready to tell her how sorry he is, how wrong he was, when his meal arrives. 

“It’s alright,” she tells him in that unsettling way that made him feel completely transparent. “You eat. You need your strength.” Patting his thigh, she stands. “I’ll go get that bath started for you.”

Slowly Ben Solo consumes the simple meal before him. She was right, this was exactly what he needed he thinks, feeling his vitality slowly return. As he finishes his food, Ben can sense her in the next room filling the tub with water. After hearing the tap turn off, he waits for her to return. When she does not immediately appear, his concern grows. Standing on shaky legs, he moves towards the bathroom to make sure that everything is all right.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. Thanks everyone for the love you've shared. Please follow me on social media for updates on future stories. 
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“I thought you could use some company,” Rey says as she senses Ben’s approach. He turns the corner and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of her smiling up at him from under the millions of bubbles filling his bathtub. She can feel his eyes linger over the curve of her breasts as she sits partially submerged in the water. 

“I guess if you’ve been giving me sponge baths this whole time, I shouldn’t be embarrassed by the thought of you seeing me naked,” he says as he reaches back over his head. In one swift motion, he grabs a fistful of the back of his shirt and pulls it up over his head. 

Rey tries to conceal her growing excitement as he reveals his sculpted chest to her. She senses him trying to mask his own anxiety as he removes the loose fitting pants she had dressed him in earlier. Lowering her eyes, she notes with a tinge of pleasure that his manhood has begun to swell. 

_I can’t believe I’m sitting naked in a bathtub staring at Ben Solo’s cock,_ she thinks to herself as he settles into place opposite her. 

Looking at him, she sees each scar on his body as though she has never seen them before. Remembering Leia’s words Rey thinks about how she had said you always think you have more time. Deciding she has had enough waiting, she asks Ben what is on her mind. “I’m curious. When did hate turn to something else?”

“When you came to me, when we faced Snoke, that was the first time I allowed myself to hope that you might feel the same way. It was my love that caused me to choose you over my master, but I never hated you. Never.” The intensity of her gaze stirs something within Rey as she listens to his words. “Yes, in the beginning I was drawn to you and it disturbed me. I had to guard myself. But it also excited me. When I discovered that we shared our connection… you made me feel like someone out there could still see me as I truly am. After you touched my hand, you came here to me and I thought, that was it. But when I asked you to join me you refused my offer. After Crait, I didn’t hear from you for months. Honestly, I thought I missed my chance, that it was all over.” 

“But when we did connect again, you were such a jerk to me,” she replies, unwilling to believe what she is hearing. “You can’t have loved me then. You were such a haughty asshole, and Lord help me,” She shakes her head embarrassed by what she is about to admit. “I was addicted to it. Probably thanks to those damn dreams I kept having.”

“You had dreams about me? You’ll have to tell me one sometimes.” 

Something in his manner, in the sly smile on his face, makes her suspect he knows more than he is revealing. Suddenly she remembers the time she was able to enter his nocturnal fantasies. 

“So wait. I was able to enter your dream, but you never entered mine?” She fixes her eyes on his. Making little currents in the water with his hands, he avoids her stare. Deciding to push back a little she attempts to provoke him, “I seem to remember at least once, you were giving me some very particular attention between my legs.” 

“Did you like it?” he finally looks up at her with a devious grin. 

She splashes water at him with both hands. “I knew it! That was you!” She crosses her arms and fake pouts until he closes the distance between them. His soft lips caress her neck, almost making her forget she was supposed to be angry with him. 

“Ok, lover boy, one more question,” she demands, pushing him back. “You knew I was having these dreams, why didn’t you ever say anything. If you felt this way for so long, and if you knew my inner fantasies, why did we both have to suffer like this?” 

“You have made me suffer,” he admits. “Or rather I made myself suffer being too prideful, too arrogant to let my guard down around you. At first I pretended to be so superior to you that I wouldn’t lower myself to think of you that way. But in the forest, when you gave me this.” He runs his hand along his scar, causing her to flinch at the memory of that night. “I knew you were not just my rival but my equal. Still, I wanted so badly to submit you to my will, to prove I could conquer you. You were so angry, so fierce. I admired you and your unwavering hatred of me.”

“I didn’t hate you,” she replies embarrassed, knowing in her heart that she had.

“You did. And it’s all right. I deserved to be hated. Anyway.” Moving alongside her, Ben takes Rey’s small hand in his. Absentmindedly he traces the lines of her palm as he continues. “After that first connection, I began to meditate, to examine what it was that connected us in this unusual way. That’s when began to harbor this irrational hope that you would join me, that I could convert you. But you were always so stubborn.”

“And you weren’t?”

“We both were, and you were right to be so. I was still so misguided. It wasn’t until I thought our connection was severed forever that I began to realize how attached I was to you.”

“We’re quite a pair,” Rey sighs as she leans her head against his shoulder. 

“Fair is fair,” Ben says, lifting her chin. “I told you how I knew I loved you, so your turn.” When she returns his statement with a quizzical look he clarifies. “How long have you been suffering over me?”

“Ha!” she laughs, playfully slapping his chest. “Suffering is the perfect word for it. I have a feeling I’ll be suffering the rest of my life thanks to you,” she replies as the pair begin to wrestle in the slippery bath. 

“So… you’re saying it’s been a long time,” he replies with a mischievous grin as he finally manages to take hold of her.

Wriggling free of his grip, she again splashes at him. “You’re the worst.”

“But you bring out the best in me,” he replies as he closes the distance to place his hands on either side of her face. 

Closing her eyes, she feels the same power building between them that she had felt before on Ahch-To. 

When she opens her eyes she sees herself. However strange the experience, she somehow knows that what she is really seeing is herself through Ben’s eyes. The feeling of devotion and adoration flowing through her is overwhelming. “What is this?”

“Are you seeing yourself? Or do you see me?” he asks in wonder.

“I see myself,” she replies. “This feels like before, when we linked and created the pulse. We were inside each other. You didn’t have to tell me how to do anything; because I already knew everything you wanted me to do. I didn’t doubt myself because I had you to rely on.” 

“Yes, he replies, running his hand down her bare back. “We had each other as we do now.” 

Closing her eyes once more, she feels as her heart syncs up with that of the man whose lips are pressed against hers. Reading his thoughts, she reaches backwards to remove the plug from the drain. As the water recedes, they simultaneously rise to wrap each other in the towels that she had lain nearby.

 _I’ve never done this before,_ she admits wordlessly. 

“I haven’t either,” Ben confesses as he leads her towards his bedroom. “I’ve pictured it. I’ve dreamed it a thousand times,” he continues as he feels her begin to tremble beneath his hands. “You’re shivering. I prefer it cold, but I can change the temperature settings if it would make you more comfortable.”

“It’s not the cold,” she replies, her face flushing slightly as she allows the towel wrapped around her body to fall. 

Ben steps back to admire her before removing his own. Standing there, free from all the baggage of their past selves, they smile in unison. Slowly as if drawn back together by magnetic forces, each silently strides towards the other until their bodies are pressed together. Rising on her tiptoes, she runs her fingers through his long, luxurious hair as he bends down to kiss her bare shoulder. 

Savoring each other’s warmth, they stand pressed together, unhurriedly exploring each other with curious hands. When he cups her breast, her nipples tighten in response. Through their connection, she feels him experience the pleasure that his slightest touch gives her. Therefore, she is not surprised when he begins to experiment with ways he can increase the effects of their shared experience. 

Languidly Ben begins to brush his thumb back and forth against the hardened nubs, eliciting soft moans from his partner. The sensations in her erect nipples are vibrating throughout her body as he bends down further, bringing his mouth to her soft breast. While his tongue begins to swirl and flick at her eager flesh, she allows her hands to roam over the terrain of his tight shoulders. Sensing that it will bring him pleasure, she rakes her fingernails along his back causing a primal growl to escape his lips.

Dropping to his knees, the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy looks up at her expectantly. His silent words beg her to allow him access to her most sacred space. Distracted by the sight of a man who was at the same time powerful and vulnerable, she simply stares at him. Slightly intimidated by the sheer size of her lover, she sends out a tiny ripple of apprehension. 

“You set the pace,” Ben replies, feeling her discomfort as his own. 

His assurances give her the confidence she needs. “I’m ready.”

“You’re not, not yet. But you will be when I’m done,” he replies as he gracefully stands, scooping her up in his arms as he does. 

She cannot help but let out a giggle as Ben carries her towards the bed. _This is it,_ she thinks. _I’ll finally know what it’s like to..._

_Not yet,_ she hears Ben tell her in her thoughts as he gently sets her down on the soft surface. 

From her vantage point on the Supreme Leader’s bed Rey looks up at him. At first she struggles to understand why he isn’t on top of her, when the memory of his oral acrobatics surfaces. Anticipating the pleasures that await her, she looks down dreamily as Ben Solo begins to run his hands up and down her thighs. 

Parting her legs, Ben smiles devilishly at her for the briefest instant before bringing his face down towards her sex. The warmth of his breath on her mound sends a flurry of pleasure signals to her brain as she anticipates the first touch of his tongue. 

_Guide me,_ he thinks to her as he begins to explore her intimate terrain. 

Although his presence, his physically being there, between her thighs, brings incredible new sensations to her, it is not until he begins to maneuver his tongue around her clit that true pleasure is felt.

 _There?_ he asks as he slides his tongue across the surface of her most sensitive flesh. 

“There,” she replies breathlessly. As her eyes struggle to focus, she closes them until all she knows is the pressure building within her with each thrust of his tongue. 

_Let it go,_ she hears him tell her. At the velvety sound of his voice, the dam she had been trying to hold back suddenly bursts forth. 

“Fuck,” Ben yells, nearly overcome by the raw power of Rey’s orgasm. Moving to lie beside her panting form, he whispers, “it took all my strength not to cum when you did.” Wiping his chin he adds, “I’m glad I knew when it was about to happen so I could steel myself against it.”

“Interesting,” Rey replies, sitting up to look at him. Already wanting more, she moves to straddle his prone form. Shifting her weight up and back, she begins kissing the tender flesh of his pulsing rod. 

“What are you doing?” he asks through clenched teeth.

“Shouldn’t I do for you what you just did for me? I want to know every inch of you. Now lay back. I can already tell you’re going to enjoy this.” 

“I feel like my heart is going to split open,” he confesses as she takes the tip of his erect cock into her mouth.

“You can contain it,” she tells him, trailing her tongue along his shaft. Looking up at him, she enjoys watching the gratification that she senses within him play out on his beautiful face as she silently begins to work her mouth up and down.

“Stop,” he commands abruptly just as she was beginning to sense the tide within him rising. “I want to share these sensations with you; I want us to do this together.” His eyes are pleading with her as she reluctantly releases her hold on his tender rod. 

Moving to his lips once more, she kisses him deeply as he holds her tight against his body. Deliberately, he rolls over her, taking the higher position for himself. His hand slides down her body, and she can sense his next move before he has a chance to follow through.

“Not like this.” Looking into his eyes, Rey takes hold of his hand. _I’ll be the one giving commands this time,_ she thinks. 

“What?” he replies confused. 

It occurs to her that his expression resembles that of a wounded porg. 

“You should have finished that Jedi sex book,” Rey says, her smile widening. Sliding out from under Ben’s weight, she begins to instruct the one who had once offered to be her teacher. “Sit here, facing me.” 

As he sits cross legged on the bed, she moves herself into his lap. Reaching out with her mind, she tells him how to hold himself for her to slide down onto. Patiently, deliberately, she lowers herself onto his firm cock as they close their eyes, both holding their breaths. In a slow exhalation, they open their eyes again, connected now in flesh as well as spirit. 

In small, deliberate motions, Rey begins to rock her hips. Remembering how the book suggested she heighten her own experience through tapping into his feelings, she reaches out her mind towards him. Every aspect of him is laid bare to her as he opens himself up to her in new and unexpected ways. Suddenly she is confronted with complete understanding of her dark, conflicted prince. Feeling herself completed by this total knowledge of him, she similarly opens herself up. She watches the recognition and the contentment play across his face as they rock together building speed. 

Their once purposeful exploration turns into a frenzy as each pushes the other to the limits of sensation. Finally when she feels that she can take no more, she relinquishes all control. At the apex of their connection, a beam of pure energy explodes out from within. Throughout the galaxy, beings of all kinds feel the echoing ripples of their shared climax, giving a sense of perfect peace to all.

Struggling to catch her breath, Rey looks into the eyes of her lover. 

“That was the most intense experience of my life,” he whispers as he embraces her, placing his head on her shoulder. 

“And we’re just getting started,” she replies.


End file.
